We are a culture that's way too obsessed with forgiveness. We want the relief of absolution, the peace of settled conflict, without being willing to do the work of repair and protection. No. No. This is societally unjust -- and counseling-wise, it's unethical and harmful as hell.
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As someone who was expected to do just this, and then attacked when I refused... Nope.
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Thank you! So many people have told me that /pressured me about I need to forgive my late father for the physical, mental, and emotional abuse of my childhood and tbh I don't want to. Maybe one day but for now F him
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Yes, thank you! This is what I wanted to say, but 100 times better.
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Absolutely. An abuse survivor should never see their abuser again if possible, much less feel someone else's evil pressure to forgive them.
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Forgiveness =/= reconciliation. Forgiveness is supposed to be about letting go of your bad feelings, not about going back to the way things were and trusting that someone else changed because of the work YOU did.
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That works for some people, but I don't think it's necessary or reasonable to ask all victims to do that. There are people who choose to remain angry at harm and injustice but to create some separation so it doesn't dictate other aspects of their lives.
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This is an issue of psychological severity and should NEVER be even broached with a victim. Ever.
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Christians are so off their rockers today that I don’t want to associate with them. It’s almost as if it makes you less moral. WAIT.... Does Christianity make you less moral?
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Yeah I’m not forgiving the guy who preyed on me when I was at my most vulnerable and then repeatedly raped me. Nope. Not gonna do that. I will find healing, I’m working hard on it, but forgiving him is completely unnecessary for that to happen.
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