nicole byerVerified account

@nicolebyer

See me live? Buy my merch?👇🏾click da link Nailed It & Comedians of the World on Netflix listen to my podcasts Why Won’t You Date Me? 90 Day Bae & Best Friends

NYC/LA/?
linktr.ee/nicolebyerwast…
Joined February 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    3 Nov 2015

    My greatest fear is getting too fat and having to tape a vibrator to a selfie stick to help myself masturbate.

    383 replies 1,905 retweets 16,117 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    15 hours ago

    After popular demand, Newcomers is back with a brand new fanfiction episode! joins Lauren & Nicole to read new original stories plus some fic from the web! 🎧LISTEN 🎧 : :

    , and
    1 reply 6 retweets 70 likes
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  3. 5 hours ago

    This is why I never succeeded at customer service. This tweet made me teeheehee

    Replying to @arielgitlin @nicolebyer
    After my 101 ended, I asked for an internship application and she cheerfully said “No!!” and walked away. She came back like five minutes later with an application but I kinda wanted her not to bring me it.
    6 replies 8 retweets 779 likes
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  4. 10 hours ago

    I truly loved UCBNY I learned a lot about my comedy I met the best fucking people while I performed and worked there and fucked some of the funniest emotionally deattached people. I will miss it.

    3 replies 13 retweets 1,025 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    20 hours ago

    Georgia niggas @ brunch next week

    314 replies 18,229 retweets 42,184 likes
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  6. 10 hours ago

    Yesterday’s to do list 1. Wake up ✔️ 2. Make one meal then wash 9,000 dishes ✔️ 3. Drink a bottle of wine✔️ 4. Ask a picture of a boy I still like “will you ever text me back?”✔️ 5. Start bottle of wine #2✔️ 6. Sleep ✔️ I think I accomplished a lot yesterday.

    25 replies 116 retweets 3,193 likes
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  7. 12 hours ago

    🥰😍🥰😍🥰😍🥰

    What a gift and a treat
    7 replies 3 retweets 552 likes
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  8. Apr 21

    These shelter in place protesters are VERY funny. They voted for a man who knew about Corona for months lied about it... let it get real bad here gave a one time check for 1,200 dollars and now wants to “liberate states” so what y’all can mourn your dead family members later?

    24 replies 251 retweets 2,908 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Apr 17

    Y’all remember when bird box came out and everybody was like “why these stupid mfs still going outside?” Look at us now🤦🏽‍♂️

    93 replies 36,097 retweets 92,306 likes
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    Show this thread
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  10. Apr 21

    My king

    The Food Network star will revisit chefs from old episodes of "Triple D" for COVID-19 updates and new recipes.
    10 retweets 470 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Apr 20

    NEW EP OF talking DROOP of ! WHEREVER U POD & ! w/ & ! #420 thank u

    4 replies 4 retweets 98 likes
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  12. Apr 20

    This is a nice article! I adore 💜💜💜💜 he’s truly the funniest and smartest person I know

    Literally no better day on the calendar for to launch our Start Here about the episode of podcast High and Mighty. Light 'em up! (Your iPod Nanos)
    Show this thread
    2 replies 4 retweets 100 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    Apr 20

    This was really nice has been one of my faves for a LONG time. this episode is one of my all time faves

    Literally no better day on the calendar for to launch our Start Here about the episode of podcast High and Mighty. Light 'em up! (Your iPod Nanos)
    Show this thread
    3 replies 4 retweets 150 likes
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  14. Apr 20

    I found a lizard in my backyard his name is Randall and I love him. I tried to catch him the other day and it didn’t go well. Should I leave food out for him? How do I get my new lizard friend to actually be my friend? Am I going insane?

    90 replies 67 retweets 3,160 likes
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  15. Apr 20

    Honestly this is perfect.

    ⁦⁩ ⁦⁩ on the Rice Krispies couch
    14 replies 31 retweets 1,792 likes
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  16. Apr 19

    It should be illegal that she has a husband and I don’t.

    0:49
    the twist in this house hunters episode made my brain dissolve. I will give you a racecar if you are able to predict where this is going
    Show this thread
    124 replies 282 retweets 5,829 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Apr 15

    Real Aliens Be Like 👽

    1,041 replies 27,332 retweets 110,066 likes
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  18. Retweeted
    Apr 19

    Who’s excited for tomorrow’s ep talkin DROOP!? It DROOPS at midnight! Wherever U pod!

    9 replies 3 retweets 135 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    Apr 18

    If my boyfriend was a worm I’d cut him in half so I could have 2 boyfriends

    931 replies 44,824 retweets 356,810 likes
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    Show this thread
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  20. Retweeted
    Apr 19

    Phoebe is back on Good Girls!! On NBC tonight and Hulu tomorrow! My character rarely brushes her hair and I love it!😃 nbcgoodgirls

    1 reply 3 retweets 74 likes
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  21. Retweeted
    Apr 19

    Listening to on realize the theme of the runway is Frozen after she’s seen the episode has singlehandedly turned 2020 around. Can we just agree

    1 reply 1 retweet 81 likes
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