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neilhimself's profile
Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman
Verified account
@neilhimself

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Neil GaimanVerified account

@neilhimself

will eventually grow up and get a real job. Until then, will keep making things up and writing them down.

a bit all over the place
neilgaiman.com
Joined December 2008

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    Neil Gaiman‏Verified account @neilhimself 18h18 hours ago

    Neil Gaiman Retweeted Dana Schwartz

    Many years ago, I sent a white-faced silent clown to a friend's wedding. He turned up, sat in the back during the service, and when my friend said "Who ARE you? Who SENT you? Did NEIL have anything to do with this?" he said nothing. It was an excellent wedding present.https://twitter.com/DanaSchwartzzz/status/1080888071552266242 …

    Neil Gaiman added,

    Dana SchwartzVerified account @DanaSchwartzzz
    If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.
    Show this thread
    11:15 am - 4 Jan 2019
    • 1,130 Retweets
    • 8,398 Likes
    • Summer Bedford 🍊 Henry Chan Hellome Sebastian Barwinek D. Seth Trotz Jean Arboleda Rupert Cocke Wilson
    86 replies . 1,130 retweets 8,398 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Rodney Anonymous‏ @RodneyAnon 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        A friend of mine once sent a pizza delivery guy to a funeral.

        3 replies . 0 retweets 106 likes
      3. Neil Gaiman‏Verified account @neilhimself 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @RodneyAnon

        Excellent.

        2 replies . 0 retweets 49 likes
      4. Law Turley‏ @Treacle_A 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself @RodneyAnon

        God I hope someone does that for me :( Marguerita with black olives and anchovies please.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 18 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. NineLeaves‏ @NineLeavez 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        ...And to top it off, they knew fine well who to first suspect - Were you by any chance, the most likely suspect amongst their friends & family, by far? ;) :)

        1 reply . 0 retweets 23 likes
      3. Neil Gaiman‏Verified account @neilhimself 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @NineLeavez

        You would have to ask @PoppetPlanetMe and @Level5Pete...

        1 reply . 1 retweet 19 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. marti "gleeful shit-stirrer" noxon‏Verified account @martinoxon 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself @ryankeely

        One time I sent a sad mime to sit outside my friend’s glass wall office and just stare at her. #greatminds

        5 replies . 1 retweet 117 likes
      3.  🦔Kanerkie 🦔‏ @kanerkie 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @martinoxon @neilhimself @ryankeely

        How do you two still have friends?!?

        1 reply . 0 retweets 47 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Hannu Jaakkola‏ @Nahuman 15h15 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        I want my tombstone to have an embedded LCD display that will cycle through all the worst kinds of puns. And a statue of an angel facepalming for all eternity.

        3 replies . 1 retweet 22 likes
      3. Jennifer Hewerdine‏ @Hewerdine 11h11 hours ago
        Replying to @Nahuman @neilhimself

        I read this to my son due to his love of puns. His response: "If I did that, I'd be in grave danger."

        1 reply . 0 retweets 20 likes
      4. Hannu Jaakkola‏ @Nahuman 6h6 hours ago
        Replying to @Hewerdine @neilhimself

        I appreciate the way his mind works. Please tell him that with an attitude like that, he can really put fun back in funerals.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 10 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Ad Am‏ @UnderTowSober 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        I'd have been silently dreading the "Does anyone have reasons this couple should not be married?" - if the clown honked his horn, that would have done me.

        2 replies . 3 retweets 94 likes
      3. Isabel Cooper‏ @ICooperAuthor 16h16 hours ago
        Replying to @UnderTowSober @neilhimself

        Legit the only reason I considered marriage, as an adult, was getting a friend to stand up just then and yell "IT'S A TRICK, GET AN AXE." Well, that and playing the Legend of Zelda theme during the procession.

        1 reply . 0 retweets 11 likes
      4. Ad Am‏ @UnderTowSober 16h16 hours ago
        Replying to @ICooperAuthor @neilhimself

        Life is full of victories - you just have to reach out and snatch them.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 6 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Rob Teun‏ @rob_teun 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        I want someone to dress as an old timey grim reaper and remain silent at the back of my funeral, far from anyone, moving only to point at a random person and note a name down in a dusty leather book.

        3 replies . 3 retweets 96 likes
      3. Diego F. Montes León‏ @TheWaveBlaster 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @rob_teun @neilhimself

        Well, know I know what instructions leave for my funeral.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 17 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Sarah Snell-Pym‏ @Saffy 18h18 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        Yesterday me and some actors were talking about getting each other to be death at our funerals dependent on who dies when of course

        1 reply . 0 retweets 19 likes
      3. Savvy Shopper‏ @Savvy_shopper1 16h16 hours ago
        Replying to @Saffy @neilhimself

        When more than one turns up they can do this 😂pic.twitter.com/rzPI5npE5I

        0 replies . 1 retweet 22 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Joanne Graham‏ @YarrowH 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @neilhimself

        I’ve told my kids that, when I die, I want the mourners at my funeral to sing “If you’re Happy and you know it clap your hands” complete with actions. Is that wrong?

        4 replies . 1 retweet 21 likes
      3. Eh? I?‏ @Aug24 17h17 hours ago
        Replying to @YarrowH @neilhimself

        Because of ... reasons ... at the funeral of an old and excellent pal, 100-odd of us sang “It’s A Long Way To Tipperary” in a German accent. It was great. Fred would have been delighted.

        2 replies . 0 retweets 16 likes
      4. alanpdx ‽ 𒀩 幽霊文字‏ @alanpdx 13h13 hours ago
        Replying to @Aug24 @YarrowH @neilhimself

        At a friend's wake I played "I'll be mellow when I'm dead" by @alyankovic. (With intro by Doctor Demento.) My daughter suggested it.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 3 likes
      5. End of conversation

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