snow

@mysteryspoons

Sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come.

the woods
Joined February 2009
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  1. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    THIS PERSON FAKED FAINTING TO SEE WHAT THEIR DOG WOULD DO

    1,341 replies 46,188 retweets 90,872 likes
  2. Retweeted
    Jun 7

    (THREAD) Do NOT watch tomorrow's historic Senate hearing without understanding Obstruction of Justice. This thread explains it—please share.

    540 replies 22,676 retweets 22,521 likes
  3. Retweeted
    Jun 8

    Can't tell you how many times my boss has cleared the room, closed the door, and stared at me while sharing his casual hopes.

    3 replies 114 retweets 383 likes
  4. Jun 8

    Oh, honey.

    1 like
  5. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    guy in fedora in front of me at the bank dug his hand into the lollypops, audibly sighed and said "im saddened by your lack of butterscotch"

    7 replies 73 retweets 438 likes
  6. Jun 6

    The only episode of SNL I can remember in detail was the one with Chris Hemsworth and I think about it twice a month.

    1 like
  7. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    Lay Lady Lays

    Bob Dylan Potato Chips, Anyone? Apparently they are a thing in China. h/t
    5 replies 14 retweets 46 likes
  8. Retweeted
    Jun 6

    Confirmed!

    362 replies 27,778 retweets 100,686 likes
  9. Retweeted
    Jun 5

    My brother once picked up a chicken & squeezed it causing it to shoot eggs at me like a machine gun. For this reason, I cannot respect Farms

    1 retweet 6 likes
  10. Retweeted
    Jun 5

    Listen, Arizona wasn't even a state during the Civil War, so obviously those statues were never about the fucking war. They're about racism.

    Arizona is the next state to request the removal of Confederate monuments
    216 replies 20,244 retweets 48,340 likes
  11. Retweeted
    Jun 4

    It's called 'leadership', Donald. The terrorists were dead 8 minutes after police got the call. If we need an alarmist blowhard, we'll call.

    At least 7 dead and 48 wounded in terror attack and Mayor of London says there is "no reason to be alarmed!"
    11,825 replies 156,755 retweets 434,070 likes
  12. Jun 3

    Unsure how this happened but I have legitimately gotten in the habit of balancing things on my head to store them while using both my hands

  13. Jun 3

    Are bees the spicy food of the animal world?

    1 like
  14. Retweeted
    Jun 1

    Congressman: god will take care of climate change. God: bitch I sent you scientists.

    1,077 replies 83,209 retweets 186,609 likes
  15. Jun 1

    I can't stop thinking about . Every Thursday it haunts me in a new way.

    2 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 31

    People in covfefe houses shouldn't throw covfefe.

    Crooked Hillary Clinton now blames everybody but herself, refuses to say she was a terrible candidate. Hits Facebook & even Dems & DNC.
    31,828 replies 317,529 retweets 719,680 likes
  17. Retweeted
    May 30

    Please haven't we suffered enough

    33 replies 1,514 retweets 4,877 likes
  18. May 30

    2017 is an endless loop of your little brother putting his finger 2 inches from your face chanting "not touching u, not touching u, not tou"

  19. Retweeted
    May 29

    Why can't we talk about dreams. I don't wanna hear about Sue in HR I wanna hear about how a giant baby ate your face when you were a manboat

    1 reply 112 retweets 387 likes
  20. May 30

    At work i grab for USB cord in bag w/out looking; condom projectiles out; i wildly try to snatch it out of air drawing everyone's attn; fail

    2 likes

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