Caoláin  🎧

i wish i could say the allegations re surprising. not like i hadn't heard anything at all, mostly whispers and intimations that something wasn't quite right. to be honest, though, i actively avoided finding out more, gutlessly. i really should have done better, but i was afraid

i mean, i did ask AK himself about what little I'd heard. i don't remember the sfics but i do remember him telling me that i could trust him. i guess i was far from the only person to hear that, huh. and, well, i did. so i didn't dig into it any further.

like, AK was a splint around which most of my life grew; I started playing Fallen London when I was like 14 and it ended up defining pretty much the entire period of my life from then until around 2 years ago.

and, in the aftermath of the events at FBG which ended that period, AK ended up being the anchor I clung to while I felt like my entire life was falling apart. i trusted AK and, by extension, i wound up mistrusting people who really probably only meant the best.

absolutely was just a complete vitriolic dumbass lashing out in every possible direction for most of 2018. but that's on me as much as anything else.

weather factory is like the only bridge into the mainstream industry I have left, it feels like. but i don't want to just sit silently and let it all pass by.

I've spent practially every day for the past year and a half feeling like everything I've done since coming to London was a terrible mistake, i don't want to look back on this and regret my inaction here too.

and, honestly, as hard as this is for me to write, i can only imagine it must have been so much harder for everyone who came forward with allegations.