Dear cis people who put your pronouns on your "hello my name is" nametags:
Thank you.
When you do that, I feel more comfortable putting they/them.
And I feel much more comfortable talking to you, bc you already tell me you know a little about the gender binary.
Love,
me
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Sinclair Sexsmith
@MrSexsmith
Black Lives Matter | kinky queer butch writer | editor of Best Lesbian Erotica. | dsplayground.com | sugarbutch.net/find-sinclair
Sinclair Sexsmith’s Tweets
kink is part of pride.
leather history is pride.
leatherdyke expression is pride.
queer sex is pride.
queer leather sex, kink, fetish, and all the amazing gear and costumes that go along with that are part of the full range of adult sexual expression belonging at pride.
during sex, when someone gives you feedback or asks you to change something or has a new idea, SAY THANK YOU
it's not an indication that you suck or they're not into you. try to put your ego aside
it's awesome that they want to stay engaged
#sexsmithsexmyths
we need a roundtable discussion of actual kink & leather folks discussing How To Build A Sex Room
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
reminder: if you see "straight people" at pride, they might not be straight at all
you can't tell if someone is straight by looking at them
you can't tell someone's gender by looking at them
also? maybe they are straight. so what? don't worry about it
#sexsmithsexmyths #pride
during sex, when someone gives you feedback or asks you to change something or has a new idea, SAY THANK YOU
it's not an indication that you suck or they're not into you. try to put your ego aside
it's awesome that they want to stay engaged
#sexsmithsexmyths
btw, never never hold (or push!) someone's head while they give you a blow job — unless you have consent
I know it's all sexy in porn and so so common in smut (mine included), but in reality it can easily cross a line
get permission.
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
tell me you’re kinky without telling me you’re kinky
Quote Tweet
dear kinksters,
if you have a "demo bottom," you have a CO-PRESENTER. please credit them, compensate them, and treat them that way. your class would be different without them & their perspective is just as valuable as yours.
love,
me
even the mainstream culture gauges a "good" sex life as how often sex is happening
this is a terrible measure
ask instead: am I satisfied with my sex life?
if the answer is yes, then regardless of how often, you're doing great
#sexsmithsexmyths
Dear cis people who put your pronouns on your "hello my name is" nametags:
Thank you.
When you do that, I feel more comfortable putting they/them.
And I feel much more comfortable talking to you, bc that shows you know at least a little about gender.
Love,
me
Y'ALL. people are out there getting PUBLISHED with this kind of writing in ACTUAL BOOKS (and being paid actual money for it)!!!
you KNOW your queer kinky leather genderfuckery smut is a thousand times better. even the casual sexting you do regularly is better.
btw, it's totally okay to take responsibility & take charge of your own orgasm whenever you have sex.
you're the one who knows what feels good
"hey, hand me that vibrator, would you?"
#sexsmithsexmyths
even the mainstream culture gauges a "good" sex life as how often sex is happening
this is a terrible measure
ask instead: am I satisfied with my sex life?
if the answer is yes, then regardless of how often, you're doing great
#sexsmithsexmyths
btw, using lube is great.
it is NOT TRUE that if you need lube you are not aroused enough, lazy, atrophied (wtf!!), dysfunctional (actual examples)
vaginal lubrication varies! some have lots, some have little
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon #vivalavulva #uselube
holy shit. Jack!! So fucking excited for you!!
Jack Thompson Is the First Trans POC to Win International Mr Leather
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
btw, wanting to play with penetration during sex has NOTHING to do with gender
(unless it does; that's ok too)
all bodies have holes, all bodies have things that go into holes. some bodies like things to go into the holes. play! experiment!
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
during sex, when someone gives you feedback or asks you to change something or has a new idea, SAY THANK YOU
it's not an indication that you suck or they're not into you. try to put your ego aside
it's awesome that they want to stay engaged
#sexsmithsexmyths
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
write the filthy, nasty, dirty, sweet, romantic, loving, honoring, body-positive, queer-celebrating, reclaiming, trauma-acknowledging, POC-centered, ability-inclusive, ace-spectrum, playful, trans-radical, unique erotica you want to read in the world!
Replying to
a little book on the human shadow by robert bly, maybe?
pdf: epdf.pub/a-little-book-
image is from p29
amzn.to/31aUL5b
sending extra love to non-binary people and trans guys whose rights are also taken away today.
I see you. I’m here with you.
(a note to journalists: it really doesn’t take that much work to include people other than women in your write up. step up.)
I'm so mad and sad about instagram. so mad. so sad. it feels so fucked. n*zis can have a platform, but encouraging good sex can't? sex workers, sex educators, erotic entertainers? fuck. fuck it all.
reminder: if you see "straight people" at pride, they might not be straight at all
you can't tell if someone is straight by looking at them
you can't tell someone's gender by looking at them
also? maybe they are straight. so what? don't worry about it
#sexsmithsexmyths #pride
btw, never never hold (or push!) someone's head while they give you a blow job — unless you have consent
I know it's all sexy in porn and so so common in smut (mine included), but in reality it can easily cross a line
get permission.
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
btw, a bisexual person is not just stopping over on their way to being gay
a butch person is not just stopping over on their way to being a trans guy
these identities are legit full stops in and of themselves
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
proofing the FINAL draft of Best Lesbian Erotica 2020!!
it starts with:
- speed dating with a cis woman & trans woman
- femme gangbang
- quickie with a nonbinary queer using ze/zir pronouns
- butch/butch long term couple
- submissive with fibromyalgia
& then 15 more!
dear femmes, I really like your spring & summer dresses, you look amazing, and very queer. I see you 💐
so, so sad to hear that Corey Alexander died this past weekend. their work has been a huge inspiration, the visibility of kinky, sadistic, trans, & autistic folks was huge. they've been a colleague for a long time & a huge influence.
may their memory be a blessing
btw, a bisexual person is not just stopping over on their way to being gay
a butch person is not just stopping over on their way to being a trans guy
these identities are legit full stops in and of themselves
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same as male
masculinity is not the same
I think a lot about how people label so many things "laziness" and so many of us have fears of being "lazy," but honestly I don't think laziness exists.
I still think about this article on it:
medium.com/@devonprice/la
btw, using lube is great.
it is NOT TRUE that if you need lube you are not aroused enough, lazy, or dysfunctional (actual examples)
vaginal lubrication varies! some have lots, some have little
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon #vivalavulva #uselube
even the mainstream culture gauges a "good" sex life as how often sex is happening
this is a terrible measure
ask instead: am I satisfied with my sex life?
if the answer is yes, then regardless of how often, you're doing great
#sexsmithsexmyths
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
nonbinary erotica writers: roll call please! who are you? a publisher is requesting some referrals, happy to pass your name on
trans men are men
trans women are women
nonbinary & gender nonconforming folks are real
the binary is a social construct, which not to say that it's not real, but that it can be socially deconstructed
gender can be fun, playful, erotic
#transdayofvisibility #tdov
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
btw, a bisexual person is not just stopping over on their way to being gay
a butch person is not just stopping over on their way to being a trans guy
these identities are legit full stops in and of themselves
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
let it be known that a butch dyke with a truck just completely saved the day
thank you to butch dykes with trucks everywhere
the lesbians of history are collectively rolling their eyes and they asked me to tell you something twitter.com/met_egyptianar
This Tweet is unavailable.
reminder: the trauma that lives in your body might not even be yours. it might be inherited, intergenerational, passed down to you. your body can be an alchemizing tool to take it out of your lineage. make it into something else — make art, make love, make cupcakes, make change.
I am moving away from using the words master and slave in my relationship dynamic. I've got a full statement coming; I'm consulting with community about next steps.
read image description
ALT
reminder: the trauma that lives in your body might not even be yours. it might be inherited, intergenerational, passed down to you. your body can be an alchemizing tool to take it out of your lineage. make it into something else — make art, make love, make cupcakes, make change.
btw, it's called a vulva, not a vagina.
the vagina is the internal canal between the vaginal opening and the cervix
the vulva is the whole external area
(erotica writers, please take note, and then take an updated sex ed class)
#sexsmithsexmyths #vivalavulva #hilltodieon
it is not too late to come out as queer. many people come to queerness later in life, & thrive, & find their place in queer communities.
it is not too late to come out as trans. many people question their gender later in life, and find ways to be themselves.
it is not too late.
"y'all" isn't just reserved for folks from the south. it's a very useful gender neutral term! people should use it more often!
dear kinksters,
if you have a "demo bottom," you have a CO-PRESENTER. please credit them, compensate them, and treat them that way. your class would be different without them & their perspective is just as valuable as yours.
love,
me
stretch marks, scars, and body modifications tell the history of someone's body
they are beautiful maps of where that person has been
and fucking sexy
#sexsmithsexmyths
kink is part of pride.
leather history is pride.
leatherdyke expression is pride.
queer sex is pride.
queer leather sex, kink, fetish, and all the amazing gear and costumes that go along with that are part of the full range of adult sexual expression belonging at pride.
your trauma stuff isn't your fault. you didn't choose the things you carry — they are a complex result of your body, your family, your chemistry, your life experience. you have no control over that.
you do have control over how you react, and what you do with it now.
your gender is what you say it is. nobody else gets to dictate what words or identities or labels fit you.
(ergo other people get to say what their gender is. don't insist on a word when that's not what they want to use.)
thank you for coming to my TED talk
#sexsmithsexmyths
btw, it's called a vulva, not a vagina.
the vagina is the internal canal between the vaginal opening and the cervix
the vulva is the whole external area
(erotica writers, please take note, and then take an updated sex ed class)
#sexsmithsexmyths #vivalavulva #hilltodieon
btw, using lube is great.
it is NOT TRUE that if you need lube you are not aroused enough, lazy, or dysfunctional (actual examples)
vaginal lubrication varies! some have lots, some have little
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon #vivalavulva #uselube
btw, it's totally okay to take responsibility & take charge of your own orgasm whenever you have sex.
you're the one who knows what feels good
"hey, hand me that vibrator, would you?"
#sexsmithsexmyths
reminder: the trauma that lives in your body might not even be yours. it might be inherited, intergenerational, passed down to you. your body can be an alchemizing tool to take it out of your lineage. make it into something else — make art, make love, make cupcakes, make change.
sound.
on.
featuring
& obvs
thank you rife for your mad video skills <3
#ShelterInPlace bit.ly/3d7Trqo
you can change things at any time.
you may have said yes, you may have committed, you may have signed the paperwork, you may have other people involved who will be disappointed.
that's okay.
if it's not right for you, it's not right. you can change your mind at any time.
amazing to me how much controversy this stirs.
literally says: "hey, people who do this? thanks. it feels good for me."
you don't want to do it? okay. don't.
but some people want to be supportive of nonbinary & trans folks, & this is a possible way
sex work is work
sex work is work
sex work is work
sex work is work
sex work is work
btw, wanting to play with penetration during sex has NOTHING to do with gender
(unless it does; that's ok too)
all bodies have holes, all bodies have things that go into holes. some bodies like things to go into the holes. play! experiment!
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
when I edit erotica, one of the things I'm always torn about is "cum" vs "come." right now I change everything to "come" in order to have style consistency ... but I am constantly rethinking this!
there is such an extreme amount of sex censorship on these social apps.
I'm so sad about it, honestly.
I used to have such intense, lovely, connective exchanges on here, meeting friends, other writers, other theorists about sex, genders, relationships, kinks, activism.
btw, it's totally okay to take responsibility & take charge of your own orgasm whenever you have sex.
you're the one who knows what feels good
"hey, hand me that vibrator, would you?"
#sexsmithsexmyths
threesomes aren't inherently healthy or unhealthy for a relationship ... it totally depends on the context, the communication, what is done, how it's negotiated, how the relationship is respected & protected through it all
A2 #sextalktuesday
Quote Tweet
Q2. Are threesomes Healthy for a relationship? Let's talk about it! I get this question often from interested couples. #sextalktuesday
my favorite thing about pride is all the femmes
that's it. that's the tweet.
happy valentine's day to this incredible person, my partner, my spouse, my boy of almost 9 years, rife: I love you.
GIF
btw, it's called a vulva, not a vagina.
the vagina is the internal canal between the vaginal opening and the cervix
the vulva is the whole external area
(erotica writers, please take note, and then take an updated sex ed class)
#sexsmithsexmyths #vivalavulva #hilltodieon
during sex, when someone gives you feedback or asks you to change something or has a new idea, SAY THANK YOU
it's not an indication that you suck or they're not into you. try to put your ego aside
it's awesome that they want to stay engaged
#sexsmithsexmyths
happy birthday, !!
so so glad you are in the world and making art and sharing it with all of us. hope we get to have more coffee and chats in person eventually! hope it's a wonderful celebratory day!!
big job interview (all day! 10-4) today with a company I am really excited about! send me all the good vibes & gifs & cute animal videos for my breaks, please?
your trauma stuff isn't your fault. you didn't choose the things you carry — they are a complex result of your body, your family, your chemistry, your life experience. you have no control over that.
you do have control over how you react, and what you do with it now.
"y'all" isn't just reserved for folks from the south. it's a very useful gender neutral term! y'all should use it more often!
"y'all" isn't just reserved for folks from the south. it's a very useful gender neutral term! people should use it more often!
btw, wanting to play with penetration during sex has NOTHING to do with gender
(unless it does; that's ok too)
all bodies have holes, all bodies have things that go into holes. some bodies like things to go into the holes. play! experiment!
#sexsmithsexmyths #hilliwilldieon
the singular they has been used since the 1500s
it is legitimate, no matter what anyone says.
reminder:
trauma impacts your body.
all of our experiences are run through our bodies.
our bodies are delicate, and resilient as fuck, and our biggest teachers.
buff.ly/2SsGFeY
no one:
absolutely no one:
me at the doctor's office: if I can just give you some feedback on your forms. when you have "SEX ___M ___ F" as options, it doesn't make trans people feel welcome. consider adding legal name, preferred name, gender identity, or doing away with altoge
hello, this is a reminder to pay for your porn. ethical porn starts with paying for it.
the studio gets compensated, the actors get compensated, the studio is able to make more work, able to hire more staff, buy more (higher quality) sex toys ... the money makes a big difference
I'm noticing how many parts of the vulva are named for men who "discovered" them: Skene's gland, Bartholin's gland, Grafenberg (g-) spot
Hell, even the clitoris wasn't fully mapped via MRI until 2009
continued frustrating examples of patriarchy
#sextalktuesday
Replying to
PAY ARTISTS. PAY WRITERS. PAY FOR PORN. do not always pay the lowest end of the sliding scale. WANT THE WORK TO KEEP GOING? PAY FOR IT.
hello the dykes of history would like a word with you thanks twitter.com/met_egyptianar
This Tweet is unavailable.
reminder: the trauma that lives in your body might not even be yours. it might be inherited, intergenerational, passed down to you. your body can be an alchemizing tool to take it out of your lineage. make it into something else — make art, make love, make cupcakes, make change.
Replying to
dear therapists: if you don't know about kink, just say you don't know about it enough to be supportive. don't judge. not your job.
trans folks
non-binary folks
gender non-conforming folks
genderqueer folks
I love you
you're real
you're legit
you're so loved
I *love* sex blogs, but I do wish they weren't all covered in sex toy reviews. there's more to sex than toys y'know? I want erotica, personal stories of finding kink or swinging or poly and figuring it out, keeping a long-term relationship going, D/s ... so many options
writing sex is so often seen as a joke or a dare to other writers.
this question is supposed to be shocking, like 50 is so many pages. but there is an entire genre of writers who are genius at writing sex for ~hundreds~ of pages.
* entire genre of UNDERPAID writers. t.co/La6xDLclzV
This Tweet is unavailable.
I think about this every time I'm in a room where the speaker puts the mic down and says, "you can hear me without this, right? "
I always say no.
Use the mic.
chronicle.com/article/A-Note
Lux KILLS IT dissecting the reasons this well-intentioned piece has some serious pitfalls.
Seems to me that unilateral declarations of porn like that are made by folks who don't actually watch porn and aren't involved in the incredible nuance of the industry
Quote Tweet
Oh boy, we're gonna have to talk about this instagram.com/p/BveBv-ZBZbh/
read image description
ALT
I have a piece in a new nonbinary anthology
on thursday, I read from it at a bookstore
I sat there in the front of the room & thought:
when I was 14, I couldn't have imagined I would be doing this when I was 40
people seriously though, there is no reason not to buy this book by @IjeomaOluo, it's $2.99 today and it is so important. amzn.to/2seLFqO
the boy made paper dolls so we could plan outfits for the leather conference this weekend (and others this year ... we have some big ones coming up)
196 followers from 10k and I wouldn't say I'm watching it, but I'm not NOT watching it.
that is to say, hello new folks, I write a lot about sex, kink, D/s, books, queerness, activism, and more kink. black lives matter, trans liberation liberates us all, & nonbinary is real