monica heiseyVerified account

@monicaheisey

comedy for television, print, and the internet. editor-at-large, .

Toronto, usually
Joined February 2010

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  1. happy birthday, the internet! my fav person on here is a tinder date from 3 yrs ago who supportively likes all my professional announcements

  2. chill, relatable characters are kiiiiiind of my thing

  3. guy on the street just said he'd "drink my sweat" if i asked, and it's like how did he KNOW i was ovulating??? nature is amazing

  4. keep your sexts lighthearted by ending them, "the aristocrats!"

  5. every single book i read age 10-14 was about a weird present-day teen who finds out her family's history = witches

  6. all boys want is for you to do the opposite of what they ask and then grab their weiner

  7. the year is 2027. cameras are everywhere. no one minds because they all have a slimming filter that gives you cute little rabbit ears!!!!

  8. mickey rourke's dog #1 loves carbonara

  9. the best person i met at the music festival last night told me he was there to "get a verdict on whether or not i actually like music"

  10. did the tree's pushy mom write this

  11. just found out my writing partner 's favourite Friend is ROSS this is a disaster

  12. perfect time of night to watch terse couples walking an ineffectual foot apart to prove a point

  13. sneaking in some very good dating advice before 1am

  14. I will never apologize for my comedy being "confrontational" or "poorly written" or "edgy"

  15. I really, really wish more people knew this

  16. This is an important thing to read and be completely infuriated by, if you have the emotional disk space for it:

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