Mencius Moldbugman on Twitter: "Your boss looks at you. She’s almost weeping. She has deep expressive feminine eyes. “Are you committed to gender balance?” she asks. “Yes,” you say. Your boss looks at you like a Grecian Oracle. “We can only offer this promotion to a woman,” she says. “”Are you a woman?”"

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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(That’s all you ever wanted. You never bothered anything else. You only wanted to be left alone. Why couldn’t anyone understand that? You’re good at what you do. But nobody ever left you alone long enough to prove that. All you ever wanted was to work hard and do a good job.)

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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The boss calls you into her office. She tells you to sit. She has heard many complaints about you. You used the wrong tone to HR Zoe. You raised your voice to a person of colour in IT. Your invoices are late. You lack team spirit. You tried to put a pizza through expenses.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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You try to explain. You hope she understands. She was promoted to this position, so surely she must be senior/experienced enough to understand that all complaints are multi-faceted? She went to Wharton?! You watch her pick her ear with a biro. You realise you’re screwed.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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Your boss looks at you with the upmost seriousness. “I like you,” she says. “You have a lot of potential.” You nod, sensing the upcoming “but”. “But... you’re a smart guy,” she says. “But, but, but...” “You know how it is,” she says, with a smile...

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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She’s really looking you in the eye now. You feel like you’re about to enter a special club. “There are many complaints. Many complaints. However, your work is good. Potentially you could get promoted...” She stares at you with a distant distant look. You don’t yet understand.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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“What? What do you need to do?” you exclaim. “I’ve been here for 4 years! I’m ready for upskilling!” Your boss shakes her head. “Oh, my sweet summer boy! It’s not a question of skills. You’re more than capable. But there’s a small problem...”

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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She explains how you are a valued talent of the company. She emphasises how your skills are appreciated. However, she whispers, the company is committed to equity. Very very committed. She would love to promote you... but she only has quota for one female manager this year.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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Your boss stares you in the eye. “Do you understand what I am saying?” Before she can finish a girl from Marketing barges in and hands you a slice of Jane’s birthday cake. Jane from Finance is now vegan. The cake slice looks like your grandmother’s bowel cancer.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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The cake wiggles and squirms in front of you. “It’s a new kind of birthday cake,” your boss says. “No meat, no cruelty, just 100% kindness and a commitment to make the world a better place!” She stares at you. “Do you understand?” she says.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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You want to tell her how everyone is late for meetings. You want to tell her how it’s not your fault: IT only works 50% of the time. You want to tell her how you have no time for work. You want to declare that this is not a #greatplacetowork but instead Hell on Earth.

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Mencius Moldbugman‏ @moldbugman Nov 14

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Your boss looks at you. She’s almost weeping. She has deep expressive feminine eyes. “Are you committed to gender balance?” she asks. “Yes,” you say. Your boss looks at you like a Grecian Oracle. “We can only offer this promotion to a woman,” she says. “”Are you a woman?”

9:28 AM - 14 Nov 2019