Mencius Moldbugman

A girl from Comms stops by your desk. She is taking photos for the company website. She asks you to hold up a sign saying “I support women in leadership!" 90% of your management are already women. You hold up the sign and give a thumbs up. You’re tired. Your smile hurts.

You turn back to your PC. A message has arrived that this Sunday will be Family Day and “they” hope “you” will be there. You look at the names of the people organising the Family Day. They are all childless middle-aged women. You read more and note that attendance is compulsory.

David from Contracts replies to the email that he can’t attend the Family Day because his son has a football match that day and it’s the finals. The childless middle-aged women respond to David that attendance is mandatory. There can be no family fun outside Family Day.

A supplier emails you about a long-overdue invoice. You email the invoice to Jane from Finance and ask on the status. She replies and asks you to attach the invoice. You grit your teeth, reattach the invoice, and click send. Jane then asks why have you sent her an invoice.

You try to concentrate one last time, but somebody has hit a sales target and the song “We Are The Champions” blasts over the speaker. It’s impossible to focus. You look at the overweight tired people high-fiving each other by the sales desk. They don’t look like champions.

You never wanted your life to be like this. This is not how you imagined life to be aged 35. You studied hard. You worked hard. You did all the right things. Said all the right things. Yet here you are being asked to give $5 for Zoe’s birthday cake in an open-plan office.

You wonder if there are other better jobs. You check LinkedIn. You notice your company has posted a photo of you smiling, holding up the “women in leadership” sign with the hashtag #greatplacetowork written underneath. All the other companies say they are #greatplacestowork too

You realise there is no escape. Even though you have unfinished work you decide to leave on-time today and just go home to lie on the bed. Jane from Finance notices your sad frown as you leave. “Somebody had a bad case of the Monday’s today!” she jokes. Everybody laughs.