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If it is a Chinese Zoé, 99% of them will be living in Shanghai as it's the only place that can sustain a Zoé with a need for superficial French things. They’ll hang around the French Concession and spend much time taking selfies of themselves with glasses of wine & French cakes.pic.twitter.com/k7In1oYIep
If an art exhibition featuring a French artist enters town the Zoé will waste no time wandering around the exhibition making nonsensical statements sprinkled with the occasional pretentious French word dropped into their Chinese. "我觉得今天的展览 tres magnifique!"pic.twitter.com/mA9XKZGQhZ
Paris Baguette - the French-themed Korean bakery - is ground zero for hip and happening Zoés to chill and grab an eclair, unless of course an actual genuine Paul Bakery is in their town and then all bets are off.pic.twitter.com/Dmn8uzrG61
The Zoé fills her life with items that represent an ideal of France. Her favourite music becomes the soundtrack of the film Amelie or perhaps French-Jap jazz singer Lisa Ono. Ofc she never watches anything that paints a less than idyllic view of France, like La Haine for instancepic.twitter.com/88EwJcPjnn
Slowly the Frencophilia manifests in dress & voice. Zoé will begin to drop the h's from her words so that others are greeted with a bizarre "Ni 'ao" every time she says hi. She’ll start wearing ridiculous hats like little pastel green berets or bizarre monstrosities with featherspic.twitter.com/RIqQgn7Zmh
The Zoé will continue her rosy embrace of all things French until one of two end conclusions naturally occur:pic.twitter.com/EBixIf4TGZ
1. Zoé actually lands herself a French boyfriend. Typically these can be bagged at classes at the Alliance Francais or hanging around fancy Shanghai restaurants. Zoé will be ecstatic at having her very own Frenchman, and all will be good for a little while.pic.twitter.com/4AiXhpzftY
However, she will be inevitably heartbroken when the Frenchman's naturally unfaithful ways result in him announcing one day that he has another girl pregnant. Zoé will then realise she's 28, start speaking normally again and marry an accountant from Ji'nan ten years her senior.pic.twitter.com/jaClO0UDUy
(The Frenchman will, of course, go on to do what comes naturally to a Frenchman: miscegenation with an African) Les grands-parents pleurentpic.twitter.com/wIBWghj1pV
Or she may follow the 2nd route: Zoé may actually GO to Paris and by doing so receive the biggest existential shock of her entire life.pic.twitter.com/A9oqorz8Mn
Far from being the Paris she imagined of whimsical pixie-haired girls riding bicycles and mime artists playing accordions, she will discover that Paris is in fact a huge and quite dirty city full of dog shit, smelly trains, and - quelle horreur! - lots and lots of blacks & Arabs.pic.twitter.com/axwNnBdE1g
A good reminder for those that don’t know that Asians experiencing profound health-threatening shock upon arrival in France is real and is called Paris Syndrome: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_syndrome …
Zoé will attempt to keep her illusions intact by confining herself to Montmartre and taking selfies in cafes but will finally admit the truth when mugged outside the Moulin Rouge. Then it's just a taxi back to Charles de Gaulle airport and a final farewell to la vie belle.pic.twitter.com/LgI03q2d72
Fun fact: you can have great fun with a Zoé by catching her out on her pretentiousness. When Zoé states that she loves French jazz, just simply ask her "Name me a French jazz singer who isn't Edith Piaf." The loss of face is delightful.pic.twitter.com/FwJAJuN7jd
Fun fact 2: The Zoé has no German-loving equivalent.pic.twitter.com/HIXGonxxMz
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