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In 1984, David Lynch released his flawed masterpiece Dune to the world. Movie execs thought they had another family-friendly Star Wars on their hands. How wrong they were. Here is some of the forgotten merchandise that was created to accompany the film.pic.twitter.com/zVyxL2bXMS
Imagine actually owning a jigsaw puzzle of Sting in a codpiece. Imagine the delight on an 8 year old’s face as they excitedly place the last phallic piece to complete the picture of lovable Feyd-Rautha.pic.twitter.com/ELnJovW83D
At night the young Dune fan could get all cosy beneath his special limited edition Dune bedsheets and fantasise over Lady Jessica.pic.twitter.com/l2jMXjl7Km
Lynch’s Dune has something to offer everyone, even girls. Gangs of pre-teen girls were going crazy in the early 80s for Dune-themed paper dolls.pic.twitter.com/UAoTMJx1RG
Imagine having a birthday party for a child based on David Lynch’s Dune. Special party games would include sticking your hand in the Bene Gesserit’s box.pic.twitter.com/lzkwPQ6H2V
Puffy stickers to paste all over your shitty Return of the Jedi lunchbox. Fuck you Lucas, fear is the mindkiller.pic.twitter.com/zF3c8yyVoh
Hordes of Dune geeks would love to get their hands on this Dune belt buckle.pic.twitter.com/DO4KDN5i71
Of course there were action figures too. Baron Harkonnen was the must-have toy of 1984. Every kid on my block wanted to be a floating homosexual pedophile covered in oozing lesions.pic.twitter.com/SQ4Gw23HlM
This is just brilliant. They actually included the cat with Feyd-Rautha’s figure from the infamous cat milking scene.pic.twitter.com/ouvZ0hQOAK
My personal favourite: Gurney Halleck with the royal Atreides pug.pic.twitter.com/4w5ljBfj2y
I often wonder what happened to the Atreides pug. Frank Herbert missed a trick by not releasing a series of children’s books about it.pic.twitter.com/XezwUU9URO
Best of all is the Dune Colouring and Activity Book which really deserves closer attention.pic.twitter.com/XQuwrhJiNN
How many children in 1984 were scarred for life by being made to colour in the vaginal mouth of the Guild Navigator?pic.twitter.com/0VgpBhE1io
The book was full of fun games like guessing how much Baron Harkonnen weighs...pic.twitter.com/VZyG1Tb45r
... and special Spice Cookies - a firm favourite of the young Muad’Dib.pic.twitter.com/eZUlYM47Vs
Many marketing execs must have lost their jobs after foolishly spending money on Dune kiddie merchandise that would never sell, but perhaps there is something in our modern age which can cheer them up and learn to love Dune again...pic.twitter.com/fxmkPnAag8
Behind the Dune is an online adult sex game based on Dune that you can play at http://davidgoujard.com/btd.html pic.twitter.com/KXxQYAQJq4
All of your favourite Dune characters are there but slightly more endowed than you may remember them. Here’s Lady Jessica.pic.twitter.com/lo42YOuSjR
Paul sticks more than his hand in the Gom Jabbar box in this reinterpretation.pic.twitter.com/UiTDDcZqvi
Behind the Dune reimagines the Guild Navigator while still remaining true to the original Lynchian vision.pic.twitter.com/a8gY5qna6l
Let’s cleanse our palettes of that filth with some inoffensive Japanese manga posters that were used for the film’s release in Japan.pic.twitter.com/gvNHFSyCu5
I hope you’ve enjoyed checking out some of the wacky Dune merchandise. Remember: the Spice must flow!pic.twitter.com/mnL1LlIgkH
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