Mencius Moldbugman

1. As we reach the festive time of year, let me share with you a personal anecdote about how diversity in the workplace ruins Christmas.

2. Like many companies, the one I worked for about 8 years ago had a “Secret Santa” activity. You know the drill, you have to buy a gift for someone else in the office but the giver is a secret. The kind of stuff that is crack for women.

3. I was friends with the cute girl in marketing who was organising this activity. She leaked to me that my Secret Santa was the fat ageing lesbian who hated me. She had tried to change my name when she drew my name from the hat, but it was the last one and she had to stick to it

4. So on the Secret Santa day, I received my present. It was a box of strawberry flavoured condoms. My friend told me that the lesbian had bought me this cos she thought I was a dick.

5. The office had about 120 people. Everybody starts emailing everybody with lines like “Thank you whoever you are for my new cup!” or “Thanks Secret Santa: I love the shower gel gift set!” - that kind of thing.