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  1. 22 Dec 2016

    me: well, , doesn't the driver still have the item I ordered? them: yes, but he's on another delivery now. me: ... and?

  2. 22 Dec 2016

    me: hey my order didn't arrive them: sorry here's your money back me: but isn't your job to deliver what i ordered? them: uhhhh

  3. 1 Dec 2016

    @CSNSTL thanks for the horrible commercial break during the last seconds of the dubs game.

  4. 31 Jul 2016

    When I'm rich and famous I'm gonna have a and a in my house...like a stone-cold boss

  5. Retweeted
    6 Jul 2016

    I bet SFPD wishes they had a taser in a big way right about now. Perhaps send a guy down to Big 5 or something?

  6. Retweeted
    4 Jun 2016

    A pertinent message on parking meters. – at Chinatown

  7. 24 Mar 2016

    ♫ Played The Seed (2.0) by at Mad Oak :

  8. 7 Mar 2016

    Embarrassed by how far beiber's confident had risen on my hula hoop playlist

  9. Retweeted
    18 Nov 2015

    Yes. That was a fully naked woman walking across the bay bridge, with a car behind her flashing their hazards

  10. 28 Oct 2015

    🍴wtf - there's knives and forks but no spoon emojis?!? Tryin' to get my cuddle on :(

  11. 12 Sep 2015

    Hanging out with my playing six degrees of seven bacon.

  12. 27 Aug 2015

    He already met his goal but I can't help but show my support.

  13. Retweeted
    19 Aug 2015

    Helicopter circling the 24 over Oakland near 51st st. What's going on?

  14. Retweeted
    17 Aug 2015

    very shallow-only 5.4 km deep. Explains why it felt so big! More !

  15. 8 May 2015

    ♫ Played I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston at :

  16. 7 May 2015

    Love this ...but I'm a cal bear to the core...wishin was a

  17. 2 May 2015
  18. 2 May 2015

    Let's get this fight goin! More !

  19. 2 May 2015

    Oh shit! Jamie foxx! Oh shit the Burger King!!!

  20. 2 May 2015

    I'm going to be a couple-minutes-behind tweeting we needed to make more

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