Mi'sen

Really good point about the "I am insane" period before awakening. The potential to get lost there if going without a map is maybe even greater than post-awakening, because there is less clarity and one is more prone to delusion.

And the potential for delusion doesn't stop post awakening! Someone with a sense of authority can easily get stuck in their own bullshit, as is evident by the plethora of ego trips / abuse stories among gurus.

If anything, if you were an abusive prick before you got enlightened you'll probably be a *worse* abusive prick after, as your last sense of attachment to propriety fades away...

Yeah, that seems to be exactly the case. Personality defects (and also harmless quirks and eccentricities) seem to become more pronounced post awakening.

Yup. Turns out I have a big, unresolved anger problem, for example. I used to be good at suppressing it, which was its own kind of bad, but now I can't really do it anymore - and I'm not even finished yet!

Have you tried finding healthier outlets for it? Videogames, for example. Letting the angry monkey be an angry monkey and tire itself out.

Your conception of my anger is a few degrees too soft, I think. I play a lot of games. Competitive ones. It's a thrill to compete, but it is nowhere close to depleting my anger on bad days.

Strongly considered something like MMA, except all the practitioners I know are emotinoal trainwrecks and the culture seems *really* toxic. Maybe I should learn to shoot? I don't know.