Mi'sen

-possibly contraction of some muscles (mid-back? back of neck? hips? facial muscles?) -"resistance" or a flinch, similar to trying to stick my hand into dirty dishwater -irritation, "fuck you" posture

-sense of something that has to be broken through, like a sugar-glass window, before the thing I am trying to "do" can be done -a "lurch" that travels up from just above my belly button, over my sternum (barely subdermal), ending with tension in my jaw or trapezius -dizziness

-sadness/helplessness ("nothing gets better and everything always gets worse"; this feeling is not overwhelming but I think that's because I smother it) -tired/fatigue/want-to-sleep/seeking-distraction (impulse towards phone, weed, maladaptive skinpicking/nailbiting)

now, for contrast, what happens when I "incline towards" something: -smaller flares of all of the above if the thing I'm inclining towards has an "ugh field" or some kind of "don't want" or "pain" connotations, BUT the flares are gentle, they rise and dissipate on their own

-a general sense of "more options" than just the thing I'm inclining towards; attention fluttering around and examining/presenting? alternatives to the thing I'm inclining towards

-spaciousness; distance between "me" and the thing I'm inclining towards; physical sensation of "zooming out" -presence of curiosity, more curiosity if the thing doesn't have too many pain/don't-want/ugh associations, but curiosity present even if it does

-buzz/energy/liveliness in limbs -more relaxation in my face

most interesting to me at this moment is that more action (endorsed action rather than self-destructive or contextually-bad impulsive action!) "falls out" of "inclining" than "doing" or "willing"