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Book groups might be an obvious example, but ‘physical’ clubs - eg: sports clubs - seem more successful for quality friend search/matching. Why? Implicit trait trust > explicit interest proximity?
Do you need a mutual attitude of openness to establish communication? I suspect yes, otherwise people are just talking to themselves in vague proximity to other insulated people.
This all reminds me of @visakanv talking about finding ‘soulmates’.
I find making friends difficult, historically at least, but the friends I do have are high quality.
How to make good friends is super interesting to me (I’m pretty good at being a friend, less good at matching)
One problem with seeking connection via shared interest, related to Sloteridijk’s thermotope; the shared pampering space, which insultes the person — a shared ‘escaped reality’, a We-Cave — and the connection never comes a cross-context friendship. eg: church people
There is a concept of tendrel — something like auspicious connection — which is pivotal to vajrayana praxis. Good friends share a lot of connection, maybe. So, how? This often gets used in some weird metaphysical magical thinking way, but good friendship _is_ magical/ish:
‘Magic is not always trickery; the world itself encourages a magic-like approach to many circumstances, because it offers the experience that success occasionally exceeds what was actually undertaken. The oldest concepts of happiness and power are a response to this.’ Foams, 372.
By virtue of connecting with another person across time and contexts — which I think is key — the result ‘occasionally exceeds the undertaking’ and you end up with a really good friendship, which is way rarer than a lot of neurotypicals seem to assume (lots of acquaintances).
: friends are good
*tweets about friends being good*
: (inaudible whisper)
: I wonder how different cultures think about friendship?
how does one ascertain that one has successfully communicated with someone?
I’m not sure really, but mutual willingness to keep the game in play could be a reasonable proxy? I was going to say something about felt sense, but: confirmation bias. Also, my capacity to read ‘successful communication’ may be skewed in unknown ways due to non-verbal stuff.
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