Storytime: My friend Colin is one of the most gentle souls I know. He's so earnest in his kindness; he wears it on his sleeve. Years ago, he was sitting in his truck in a parking lot. A man walked by, visibly upset, and motioned for him to roll down his window.
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We can see how this kind of behavior gets manifested online. Behind a computer screen, it's even easier for folks who are hurt, bitter, angry, resentful, to lash out at others. Eventually, if you're on the internet, you're going to encounter one of these toxic people.
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We tend to assume the best of people (that's a good thing!) Here's how you can recognize a toxic person: (Described here by Holloway (PhD) and
@dr_mitch_kusy: https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f4c8/2588309a1ca0d370666e9c60ed180d34f1ab.pdf …)pic.twitter.com/EOSpkm0dKJ
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These folks are constantly: - embroiled in some form of online drama - shaming and humiliating people publicly - saying negative things about others publicly - hanging out with other negative people that like to complain They distrust anyone who seems happy or earnest.
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The challenge? Most of the time you can't reason with toxic people. Remember, for them "it feels good to feel bad." As Lane, Hull, and Foehrenbach point out: "They have a recurring need for activities that eliminate pleasure and induce a state of dysphoria."
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Holloway &
@dr_mitch_kusy make this point in their book: "Toxic people are often self-righteous. [They] cannot find fault in themselves. This is the reason that explaining their behaviors to them often doesn’t work." https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00263ZLGW/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_AIwHDb4CJFW6Q …pic.twitter.com/knC0nF7s5o
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I'm not sure what the right solution is for dealing with negative people online. Here are my current thoughts: 1. Ignore people who are consistently toxic and negative. 2. For myself, be open to correction from my trusted friends: "Hey Justin, that wasn't nice." 3. Be kind.
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If you've ever felt metaphorically "punched in the face" by someone online: I know how much it sucks. I hope this thread helps you recognize: - you're not alone - their behavior is not OK - comments from a toxic person have nothing to do with you
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No need to "unroll;" I've written this whole thread up as a blog post here:https://justinjackson.ca/haters
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Just updated that post again (4 hours later) to clarify some of the thoughts.
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