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    2. velj

    “Ugh,” said the girl in a lavender cropped sweatshirt, talking into her AirPods in the United terminal at Dulles, “it’s like no one wants to hear me complain about my life”

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    1. velj

    There is an entire section of zebras at this Islanders game and they are chanting “let’s go refs” and going NUTS for every icing and offside call.

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    29. sij

    A sourdough starter is a tamagotchi for people in their 30s

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  5. 28. sij

    Hello, welcome, this is my rescue truffle pig Jean-Luc Pigcard

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  6. 28. sij

    NameError: name 'pepe_sylvia' is not defined

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  7. 26. sij

    I'm not sure why I love Joe Pera Talks With You so much but I'm afraid it's because I've grown incapable of processing sincerity Either way, that's a me problem. Watch the show!

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  8. 26. sij

    Hey Ernie, would you like some ice cream? Sure, Bert.

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  9. 24. sij

    Licking a blueberry muffin stain off my shirt like a true academic

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  10. 23. sij

    This peanut's gonna Moriarty on us, I know it

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    20. sij

    [pronounces “pineapples” like “minneapolis”]

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  12. 21. sij
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    my friends & I routinely have “bracket nights” where we pick 16 of something (tonight it’s “types of chairs”) & argue about them until we crown a winner & there is something magnificent about watching grown ass adults lose it over whether a rocking chair or a recliner is better

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    18. sij

    just remembered the tommy lee jones and jim carrey batman forever anecdote

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  15. 17. sij

    PB + J? It's PB, J and Bread. They're in a thruple, I won't stand for this erasure

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  16. 17. sij

    A witness, I am only a bystander to the bird war happening outside my office window. I pray, for peace

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    14. sij
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  18. 10. sij

    Meghan and Harry moving to Canada is Schitt's Creek but with old money

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    8. sij

    If 1024 fair coins are each tossed 10 times, chances are good (> 63%) that at least one will come up heads 10 times in a row; and that coin will be proud to explain how its skill, faith, guts & determination made its achievement possible, and how that combo can work for you too.

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