Michelle Witte - closed to queries

@michellewitte

Kidlit agent w/. I also make jewelry and write craptastic books. Some people think I'm funny. You should probably be worried about those people.

Utah
michellewittebooks.com
Joined January 2009
1,219 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Retweeted
    Aug 18

    cutting bell peppers and adding googly eyes is bound to heal your soul a little, give it a try

    873 replies 37,139 retweets 179,690 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Aug 18

    Dino 1: I’m sorry I don’t have the answer to your problems. Dino 2: That’s okay. I don’t come to you for answers. I come to you for a new perspective on the question.
    45 replies 4,547 retweets 21,772 likes
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  3. Jul 28

    I saw a contract for a local consignment place that was riddled with typos, but the best of all was “reprehensible” instead of “representative.” I laughed way too hard at that.

    3 likes
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  4. Jul 25

    I feel very attacked right now because I was planning on cleaning out my closet of clothes I bought but never wore because they were a really good deal but weren’t all that great and now they just stare at me angrily from the back of the closet.

    How about we label storage boxes with truth?
    3 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    Jul 24

    the real problem with our lamentably rich villain overlord types these days is that they don't have any class no commitment to the -aesthetic- where are the dark reliquaries. the bat-filled towers. the crumbling spires.

    11 replies 159 retweets 1,085 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Jul 24

    why spend your money on space travel when you could buy a gothic castle, fill it to the rafters with obscure texts, live out the rest of your life in comfortable seclusion and then leave your entire fortune to the person who can solve the riddle hidden in your collection

    29 replies 456 retweets 2,628 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Jul 22

    THREAD: As news stories drop about COVID+ pandemic deniers & anti-vaxxers ranting defiantly from ICU beds, let's review what fraud research suggests abt the responsibility we should attribute to them for their condition & the ms they send. Are they victims we should pity? 1/x

    326 replies 3,639 retweets 7,313 likes
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  8. Retweeted
    Jul 22

    marie antoinette (2006)

    125 replies 13,667 retweets 72,994 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Jul 2

    capitalists will literally open a portal to hell instead of going green

    1,204 replies 32,091 retweets 200,179 likes
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  10. Jun 27

    So, uh, what should someone do if they, say, accidentally squirted this in their eye?

    2 replies
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  11. Jun 15

    It’s always fun when your hometown makes it on the news . . . for all the wrong reasons. I wish I could say I was surprised, but that would be lying.

    a bunch of white cheerleaders with a girl with DS front and center
    a bunch of white cheerleader girls with captions and other bullshit, no girl with Down syndrome
    So @shorelinejrhigh has a young woman with Down syndrome on the cheer squad. They took a team photo with her in it. Sent her away. Then took another photo to use for their publicity. Take a look. Same photo shoot. Same time. Entirely deliberate.
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  12. Retweeted
    Jun 9

    Breaking my Twitter hiatus briefly to mention that LBYR is hiring THREE new editorial assistants! Job listings can below.

    10 replies 122 retweets 160 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    Jun 11

    I don't CARE if it's erotic! Vampires drinking from people's wrists is going to fuck up their tendons! There's a reason doctors don't take blood from there! It's just not a good idea! No one in this story is going to be able to wield a sword after this nonsense!

    213 replies 6,369 retweets 52,111 likes
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  14. Jun 5

    This is the most amazing cake I’ve ever seen.

    My niece turned 3 today!! She asked for a Lion King cake but specifically the moment where Mufasa dies, because “everyone will be too sad to eat the cake and it will be all for me.”
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    1 like
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  15. Retweeted
    Jun 3

    Word of the day is ‘spuddle’ (17th century): to work ineffectively; to be extremely busy whilst achieving absolutely nothing.

    1,895 replies 13,545 retweets 79,543 likes
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  16. Jun 2

    WHY IS IT MORNING ALREADY. My stupid body woke me up hours before my alarm and I finally get back to sleep right before the alarm goes off. *inserts caffeine IV drip*

    1 like
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  17. Retweeted
    May 27

    The five neurodivergent love languages: infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body, and "I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it"

    336 replies 15,491 retweets 63,885 likes
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  18. May 25

    I’ve decided that mornings shouldn’t exist. I’d rather jump to a few hours later when I’ve already woken up and gotten ready for the day.

    1 like
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  19. May 23

    I have entire conversations in my head, and my facial expressions will reflect what is happening in the convo. Over the years I’ve freaked multiple people out, even though I have no idea that I’m doing it.

    0:58
    This still blows my mind 🤯 I found this out a couple of years ago. I have an internal monologue. I can’t imagine not having it lol
    2 likes
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  20. May 20

    Someone discovered I’ve been leaving food out for my cat during the day while I’m at work.

    6 likes
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