michael_nielsen

Or maybe the implied request is different: "Admire me" versus "Be happy for me" ?

That seems like a very useful model to clarify thought! Interesting to think about in a blended mode, too (sometimes people want both, in varying degrees). Overall, I'd like my friends to be more forthcoming about their successes. I think it'd make the world a happier place.

I wonder a bit about gender stereotypes. My sense is that there is a (weak) societal stereotype in favour of admiring men, and being happy for women. I wonder if that effects the type of thing people try to solicit?

I.e., men might be more likely to try to solicit admiration, simply because in their model that's more likely to be forthcoming; they perhaps think less about the possibility of other people being happy for them? (Very unsure of all this.)

Incidentally, this is one reason I was happy moving to the US. Australian culture is not good at celebrating people's successes in a healthy way. There's even a common term for this phenomenon: "tall poppy syndrome". The US is much better about this, IMO.

i wonder if there isn’t a selection effect comingling with national difference. mb “tall poppy syndrome” is really short poppy syndrome, people who perceive themselves as more troubled and less successful may have a more mixed response to “bragging” than the also successful?

Gini estimates for the US are about 10 points higher than for Australia (and that matches my subjective impression - Aus seems to have far more equality than the US). That seems counter to what your suggestion implies?

it depends who you hang out with! my conjecture is that here, you may have filtered yourself into a more “successful” milieu than the one you may have acquired in a less professionally selective way growing up in Australia. so here you find yourself naturally among peers who all