michael_nielsen

Most of you think humblebragging's worse than bragging. Let me make a case for the reverse. If someone openly brags, you're forced to congratulate him. But if he humblebrags, you can pretend not to notice, eg: "My beach house is sooo ramshackle" "That's ok, as long as it's comfy"

Having my friends brag to me - i.e., share their successes - is really wonderful. It can be done obnoxiously, but many do it beautifully. I wish many would do it more. But maybe by "bragging" you mean "obnoxious sharing of success", by definition?

It's tricky to define bragging. Certainly "I got the job I was hoping for!" doesn't feel much like a brag. OTOH, I just saw someone on facebook talk about how "No one can believe I'm in my 30s, everybody thinks I look ten years younger"

... Or to give another example, I saw someone else on facebook talk about how amazing he is at his job. Maybe there's a difference in affect between these and the "Yay, I got the job" example? These feel more smug, the job one feels more happy?

Or maybe the implied request is different: "Admire me" versus "Be happy for me" ?

That seems like a very useful model to clarify thought! Interesting to think about in a blended mode, too (sometimes people want both, in varying degrees). Overall, I'd like my friends to be more forthcoming about their successes. I think it'd make the world a happier place.

I wonder a bit about gender stereotypes. My sense is that there is a (weak) societal stereotype in favour of admiring men, and being happy for women. I wonder if that effects the type of thing people try to solicit?

I.e., men might be more likely to try to solicit admiration, simply because in their model that's more likely to be forthcoming; they perhaps think less about the possibility of other people being happy for them? (Very unsure of all this.)