Expectations are an attempt to control the world, and they will eventually disappoint or destroy. They're in the basket of things that need to be held lightly, along with identities and ideologies.
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Replying to @utotranslucence
I disagree that identities should be held lightly. Holding them closely is one of the most enjoyable parts of being alive!
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Replying to @michael_nielsen
Be careful choosing your fixed points. Becuaase they will be the source of all your heartbreak. But choosing your fixed points is the essence of life
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Replying to @kevinakwok @michael_nielsen
Seems like another way of saying https://observer.com/2015/03/the-perfect-spouse-is-the-best-productivity-hack-no-one-told-you-about/ …
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Haha yeah choosing your spouse is definitely one of core instantiations of this. Last few weeks have been having lots of debates among friends around many aspects of this specific one haha
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What are the salient aspects?
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- how structure of ecnmy is affecting changes in marriage norms - Unpacking variables involved. Basically I suspect need to believe in internal compounding of pairwise utility for monogamy to be dominant. Which I do - how much focus allocation should be on relationship - etcetc
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On 2 - why would people not believe in compounding of utility? (Unless they have dysfunctional attachment styles I guess)
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Replying to @utotranslucence @kevinakwok and
On 3 - I've been considering this recently. Long-term partner and I are in a LDR, and both work unpredictable schedules, but large chunks of time off. Probably more 'quality time' spent on the relationship despite this than people who work predictable 9-5 commuter jobs
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oh, that's interesting. There's whole separate much larger sphere of thought I'd say that falls into category of. Which I'd roughly summarize by saying I think we vastly underestimate utility throughput we can have at the head of our relationship curve (curve being x axis:
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Can you explain that last sentence, Kevin? What's utility throughput mean?
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Replying to @michael_nielsen @RyanHoliday
If you ask someone who they trust the most, or who their closest friends are. They will name them. But if you pushed them on what heuristics you'd use to tell the diff gradients of closeness, they'd realize many people don't even know many gradients--and don't have friends at som
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e of the higher levels. This is true both personally and professionally. But being higher on these axis of trust enable new features of relationships that aren't possible at lower levels of trust. And we should seek these out (and strengthen more relationships to these levels) W
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