(11/11) I don’t fear silence as I once did. What’s funny is that I hear sounds I never heard before like the chuckle I make when I really smile or the difference between all the barks Sydney is developing. Space, Silence, Patience all breed Understanding. Amazing.

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Micah Baldwin

@micah

Feb 4

(10/11) I think that is why, in part, I became a coach. Because founders are rarely listened to. They are talked at and expected to speak out, but rarely are they given the space to just be fully disclosed.

(9/11) I learned to listen actively and completely to not just the words, but the meaning and intent. I stopped talking as much as I once did and moved fully into the silent spaces and felt at home.

(8/11) I remember distinctly sitting on a Zoom AA meeting and having this feeling of warmth emanate from the center of my being. I had two realizations. 1) the other show was never going to drop; and 2) that silence occupies space, and in those spaces where I was at my best.

(7/11) There are two other times in my life when I felt the same level of euphoria and contentment. One was when I first started doing cocaine, long before it became a problem, and a few years into my sobriety.

(6/11) And the weirdest feeling was that I had somehow lost part of myself. That I was less of me. That all the fears I had about not being good enough or smart enough were true, and that all of my success could be tied to this magic mania.

(5/11) And it happened quickly. Sometimes multiple times in a day. No one knew how I would react to anything for I had no clue which Micah would show up. After visiting Dr. Wood getting diagnosed as Bipolar, and getting on meds I stabilized. Not completely but mostly.

(4/11) I often felt invincible and euphoric and the perfect version of myself. Until I crashed into a depression so dark the only light came from an imaginary exit sign over a doorway to nothingness.

(3/11) For me, that is what mania feels like. And most of the time, I loved it. I could think fast, speak fast, work fast. I could come up with 100 amazing ideas that all could become billion dollar businesses that only I could build.

(2/11) I attacked silence violently with words. The length of silence never mattered. The space between words felt like a valley between mountains, and when someone would stop to take a breath, I would unload a stream of sentences that piled on each other like a car crash.

Day 10/100 Weight: 352.7 (-0.7 lb) Mood: moderate Shot: Sony A7R5 50mm f/1.8 100ISO 1/320 (left the photo a little dark) It used to be that my greatest enemy was silence. 🧵👇 (1/11)

It is so interesting how much stuff happens behind the camera to make a photo come out. The gear is just such a small part of equation

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Rachel Romer

@Rachel_R_Romer

Feb 2

If you feel like layoffs are happening everywhere right now, you're probably only reading high brow media or talking to your friends who work in tech or i-banking... Despite headlines, here's what's actually going in the U.S. labor market:

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(10/10) So I still can’t lie and my truth? Well it is no longer a weapon. And of that, I am proud.

(9/10) So I stopped with the brutality. I began to inject empathy into the honesty. I married understanding with opinion. I understood that my observations were just that: mine and if I wanted to be helpful with the truth, it had to be about the other person.

(8/10) Until I broke the wrong heart and I saw that truth wasn't kind; I was becoming more evil than I had ever been as a liar. There wasn’t much radical about my candor, it was all sticks and stones. And I was proud of my honesty but ashamed of the pain I was inflicting.

(7/10) Once a friend asked if I thought a girl was interested in him, and I broke his heart with words convincing myself it was for his own good.

(6/10) And boy did I dive into it. Ask me a question and I would give you an answer. I was brutal with the truth because that is what truthtellers do. It didn’t matter who I hurt it was always more important to tell the truth.

(5/10) So instead of doing a program, I set two rules for myself. One) I would always do what was right, even if it was detrimental to me, and Two) I would never lie. Well, I said I would always tell the truth, which eliminates all the shades that exist between truth and lie.

(4/10) When I got sober the first time, I did it without a program of recovery. I mean I read the 12 steps and picked the ones I liked, but I didn’t *do* the program.

(3/10) In fact, I have practiced lying for most of my life. More so, my entire life was a lie. After all when you are living in addiction your honed survival mechanism is to lie. Especially to yourself.

(2/10) I can’t lie. I mean I am capable of lying. I think there are few people who physically cannot lie, but I am not one of them.

Weight: 352.7 (-0.7 lb) Mood: Happy on the way to Manic Shot: Sony A7R5 50mm 1/160 ISO200 F/5.6 I can’t lie. I took this photo a few days ago, but I went to dinner and a meeting with some AA friends and it went pretty late. 🧵👇 (1/10)

(13/13) So I quit and two weeks later found myself working at Amazon. Still not 100% sure how that happened but their insurance was even better, and three and a half years later, it saved my life.

(12/13) After healing I went back into the office and noticed that everyone hated being there. I mean unabashedly hated it. Thinking it might be the weed, I went home, came back the next day and thought to myself “Nope. They hate it here.”

(11/13) On a side note, weed delivery in California had just become a thing and I am pretty certain I ate my weight in edibles. I sort of remember friends visiting but mostly it’s all kind of a Purple Haze.

(10/13) It took me about two months to heal. I did ask the surgeon if I could smoke weed since I was worried about getting addicted to the opiates prescribed for pain. “Edibles only,” he instructed.

(9/13) The surgeon was great and the nurse was awesome (she was insistent that they could cut through the tattoo on the back of my neck and glue it back together not ruining it. While thankful, I was really thinking about the not dying part.).

(8/13) “You have a good chance of falling or getting into an accident, breaking your neck and dying.” Fortified by good insurance, I said “let’s do it!”

(7/13) I got an appointment to see the head of the neurology department who explained that they could put spacers in my neck to make more room for my spinal cord and the feeling and strength in my hands should come back. “And if I don’t do that?” I asked.

(6/13) It took about a week to take the test and get the results. “Yeah,” she said. “It’s not great.” Turns out that I have a birth defect that makes my spinal column narrow and the spinal cord was hitting against the inside of my spine. Cool.

(5/13) I went to the neurologist and she had me walk. She tested my hands. Looked in my eyes. “You need an MRI” I did not have a good experience with the last MRI so I was not thrilled, but insurance is a wonderful drug.

(4/13) This time I was a bit nervous. I had started to lose feeling and strength in my hands. They would tingle like they fell asleep and sometimes I would just drop stuff. I had to really concentrate when carrying anything valuable.

(3/13) Head to toe. Eyes, ears, feet. I used Google to find all the kinds of doctors that existed and went to them. The last doctor I saw was a neurologist. I had seen one years ago and it didn’t go so well. I have a tattoo and a story to tell about that.

(2/13) “You’re young.” They say. “It’s not like you are going to die or anything.” When I finally landed my company in 2014 the first thing I did when I was settled at the new company was get an appointment with every doctor that was covered under our insurance.

Day 8 / 100 Weight: 353.6 (-3.2 lb) Mood: S.A.D. In full effect Shot: Sony A7R5 1/160 50mm ISO200 F/1.2 They never tell you that health insurance sucks in startups. 🧵👇 (1/13)

(9/9) So that picture? When I look at it I see all the imperfections in the subject and the technique. And those imperfections? They are me. I’m cool with that.

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