NOPE

@mgoldbar

I said no

Sacramento, California
Joined March 2009
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  1. Retweeted
    May 29

    film concept: jeff goldblum and stanley tucci own a restaurant and are also husbands.

    622 replies 21,866 retweets 83,628 likes
  2. Retweeted
    May 29

    After 4 weeks of hospital food, I just destroyed a bowl of chili cheese fries that my wife smuggled in to me.

    362 replies 510 retweets 8,102 likes
  3. Retweeted
    May 26

    me: this anime sounds interesting protagonist: hey, i'm sousuke bosuke me: aight protagonist: and my friends and i are all in MIDDLE SCHOOL

    143 replies 6,628 retweets 19,510 likes
  4. Retweeted
    May 27

    Monuments 2 white supremacy & defenders of slavery = "history lesson, what's the fuss?" Wonder Woman Ladies Night= "DISCRIMINATION!!"

    45 replies 481 retweets 1,639 likes
  5. Retweeted
    May 27

    Yelling about the WW ladies' screening being discrimination is like complaining about a splinter as you land on the beach at Normandy

    119 replies 258 retweets 1,582 likes
  6. May 27

    I think it's pretty much the definition

    orly
  7. Retweeted
    May 27

    2017: A golden age of willful ignorance. "Though knowledge be at mine very fingers' tips, dumb I SHALL remain! BY SHEER FORCE OF WILL!"

    23 replies 532 retweets 1,778 likes
  8. Retweeted
    May 26

    When I put in a new tampon and five minutes later think, "but did I take out my old tampon?"

    1,524 replies 14,912 retweets 112,294 likes
  9. Retweeted
    May 27

    I can't believe only women are allowed to see Wonder Women & no men are allowed to see it anywhere in any theater ever at all.

    561 replies 5,752 retweets 29,979 likes
  10. Retweeted
    May 24

    Republicans: You wimpy liberals want losers to get trophies. Also Republicans: DON'T YOU DARE TAKE DOWN MONUMENTS TO THE CONFEDERACY.

    378 replies 9,035 retweets 26,374 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 25

    This Gianforte guy is gonna win & we're all just gonna be like "Well that's America lol fml face palm."

    120 replies 556 retweets 5,036 likes
  12. May 23

    Also children are incapable of whispering or not staring so I also have them asking mom why my hair is like that and why I have tattoos

  13. May 23

    And while I sympathize with the mom with four kids here, having them use my bench as "base" in a game of tag is not helping me calm down

  14. May 23

    Sitting in Urgent Care for a follow up after Sunday's I&D. Having terrible anxiety

  15. Retweeted
    May 18

    . pitched me a "contemporary" remake of the comic strip called "Dennis Jimenez" where it turns out Mr Wilson was just racist all along.

    3 replies 10 retweets 63 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 19

    Hey checks/balances, you up?

    97 replies 3,198 retweets 16,258 likes
  17. Retweeted
    May 19

    TODAY'S PRISON RECIPE: Find an egg in a drawer during your time in the yard. Crack it open, sprinkle in some dust, and drink it all down.

    8 replies 10 retweets 107 likes
  18. Retweeted
    May 18

    Okay, so here I am everyone!! =P

    5,887 replies 19,940 retweets 95,571 likes
  19. Retweeted
    May 18

    A zombiefied Roger Ailes just tried to grope a nurse in the coroner's office and is now staggering down the hall with a scalpel in his eye.

    10 replies 33 retweets 310 likes
  20. Retweeted
    May 18

    Don't 👏🏼call👏🏼it👏🏼a👏🏼"witch hunt"👏🏼unless👏🏼you👏🏼are👏🏼a👏🏼teen👏🏼girl👏🏼whose👏🏼burgeoning👏🏼sexuality👏🏼scares👏🏼male👏🏼town👏🏼elders

    140 replies 11,782 retweets 40,122 likes

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