MethBurrito

@methburritos

Specializes in mild curses. Operator. Husband. Dad. Redeemed. Brownies are the best dessert.

Illinois, USA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2016.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    18. srp 2019.

    I flush my leftover prescriptions to make sure the Chud have access to lifesaving medicines.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  3. prije 8 sati

    Is there really any difference between taking your coat off in the car and fighting a giant octopus?

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    19. sij
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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Business as usual.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 14 sati

    People Me petting dating me an angry cat 🤝 “I can change him”

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  7. prije 14 sati

    If Jesus taught us anything it's that me spending $25 on Valentine's Day is even greater the Bezos spending $150 million.

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  8. prije 15 sati

    You: single, ready to mingle Me: married, ready to Pringle

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    CNN reporter: We have the results of the Democratic Primary, we're on the phone with the party Wolf Blitzer: what are they? Reporter: They just hung up with us after being on hold for an hour.... that just happened on live tv

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    ICYMI: Here’s FOX’s “Ragged Old Flag” commercial with Johnny Cash and a walk through some of America’s wars & tragedies — featuring 9/11 victim family members & the youngest living Medal of Honor recipient Marine Corps Corporal Kyle Carpenter.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Did you know there is a Kansas City in Missouri?

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    VOTING BEGINS NOW FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH OF THE FIRST ANNUAL SMUG INDUSTRIES LIBERAL HACK TOURNAMENT (1) vs (2)

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    buy 👏 your 👏honey👏straight👏from👏bees👏do👏business👏with👏bugs👏shake👏their👏little👏bug👏hands👏and👏say👏nice to meet you👏bug👏lets make a deal👏

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  14. 29. sij

    Dog food truck

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  15. 28. sij

    Kid: how do you spell jewel? Me: j-e-w-e-l Kid: ok how do you spell J

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Kobe Bryant proudly walking this reporter through a moment where his daughter had to sink two free throws to win a game as everyone watched will absolutely break your heart.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    Nobody: Every dad at the zoo: look I found your real family

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  18. 26. sij

    In a town of 66k Bernie packs a gym. In a town of 8,800 in Southern Illinois Trump drew 14k.

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  19. 25. sij

    The under stair playroom is close

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  20. 25. sij

    Me when I started this project: I wonder why all drywallers are alcoholics? Me now:

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    21. sij

    Trainer: If you're not hungry enough to eat an apple, you're not hungry. Me: *smacks the clipboard out of her hands* Shut your lying mouth!

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