melissa broderVerified account

It drives me so crazy when people stand around & have small talk forever & it seems like they're not going to ever get tired of it. it makes me want to jump out of my skin. It's meant to ameliorate stress but for me it's the cause of stress.

what do you talk about when you're at a gathering or at dinner with friends?

I do a lot of listening. A little of talking about my job and family but some people are very small talky, repeating the same tropes about weather and sports.

Fair enough. Obviously I enjoy watching and playing basketball, for example, but I’d never rant on and on about it if it’s not something you’re interested in. I enjoy small talk but it’s not about the content at all, I think it’s trying to find commonality among strangers

Weather tends to come up first because it affects everyone equally. I don’t ask people about work unless they bring it up because not everyone likes their job and small talk is a form of positive bonding IMO. I guess it’s like finding out what they find interesting

and trying to bridge that with what I find interesting, but inevitably that doesn’t always happen. Also some people’s instinct is to try to relate to everything a person says but I think sometimes you just can’t and it’s ok to not relate.