Um. No.
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Megan Blandford
@meganblandford
Author of I'm Fine (and other lies) 
Freelance lifestyle writerMegan Blandford’s Tweets
I'm trying to read more #memoirs this year and just finished this one by
Remarkably honest and superbly written. Highly recommended, especially if your other half is a mum. (They may not have the same battles, but maybe share some of the fears)
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I currently have shingles in my ear.
This is by far the worst pain I’ve ever felt … and I’ve given birth to two >10lb babies.
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What’s the worst pain you’ve ever felt?
This excludes: child birth, a kick in the nuts, toothaches, period cramps.
For me it was passing Gallstones. I was slithering on the hospital floor like a snake bc i could not walk. I never before or since felt that way. Its fucked up.
This is fantastic - especially the last tweet in the thread.
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Right, everyone. I need to be serious for a moment. Because the greatest thing that ever happened is happening right now.
I don't particularly care either way about the Queen. But the queue? The Queue is a triumph of Britishness. It's incredible.
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😂
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Gonna be impossible to say the words King Charles without adding the word Spaniel on the end I’m afraid
No. Just no. Now would be a good time to update protocols to reflect the current-day world.
It would also be a good time to hit 'unsubscribe' on the royals.
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Interested to know what people in the middle of the monarchist-republican spectrum think about Australian parliament shutting down for 15 days. Staunch monarchists likely to say it should, staunch republicans that it shouldn’t. What do the more constitutionally circumspect think?
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Not cynicism; real life. This is my experience every single time I’ve answered ‘no’. twitter.com/damonayoung/st
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This makes a lot of sense:
“I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health” | Sanah Ahsan
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I have a lot of ageing to do in the next few years 😂
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More than one toilet 👑🚽🚽👑
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As a kid, what item in someone else’s home did you think was a sign of wealth?
Me? A Lazy Susan.
I don't ask for much, just that magpies evolve enough to know that a 42yo woman riding a bike with a basket is not going to climb that tree to get their maggie babies.
And if I do decide to try it, they won’t even have to attack me: I’ll fall & break my head open all by myself.
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It's PE class every day 😱
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#BREAKING: GUILTY!
Chris Dawson found guilty of murdering his wife LynetteDawson in 1982 through a "conscious and voluntary act."
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I don’t think I’ve ever had to take an outfit from day to night. I just get changed.
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And then, while I was drunk on Pfizer, I had some good writing ideas. AND remembered them today! AND they were actually good, not like *real drunk* writing ideas.
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I managed to get in a couple of client meetings during the shivery, achy part of yesterday. Fingers crossed I didn't cross over into the vague part while talking with them!
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That fourth vax was a doozy.
The day after was a series of ever-changing reactions: headache, shivers, aches, vagueness, exhaustion, then I felt kind of drunk - one reaction after the other, like really un-fun dance moves.
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Starting Friday by finding a new Marcus Mumford song has dropped *chef's kiss*
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A Book Week thought: Id love to see funding for authors to go out to regional schools. Most regional kids would never have met an author.
I remember seeing authors at my (suburban Melbourne) school and thinking, 'That's my future'. I needed to see it to know it was possible.
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I dislike costumes as much as the next person (my kids always go as a standard kid character).
But if we’re going to get rid of something from schools, can it be one of the MANY sports days that lots of kids dread??
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Opinion: Whoever invented Book Week needs their costumed head read | @antoinette_news smh.com.au/culture/books/
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Admittedly, the scene I caught a glimpse of earlier - the one that made me think it was bad - does have to go. But the rest is good for a first draft!
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Avoided my new manuscript all week because I was convinced it was terrible.
Finally reading it. And it's ... quite good.
30,000 words in, time for a read through to keep myself on the narrative track - a relief to find that it's definitely worth sticking with 😮💨
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Exactly! My phone volume is almost always off, and I don’t have time to watch all these videos. Let me read stuff, it’s quicker!
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Love this piece, and can’t wait to read Sadie Starr 📚
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I wrote a piece for The Guardian about the myth of 'a whole new me', the false hope of fresh starts and writing Sadie Starr's Guide to Starting Over 
theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2 @textpubYA
theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2 @textpubYA1
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Yes! Let’s!
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I've been thinking some more about a solo trip. I think I want to go to a city.
I live in a country town, so I get lots of quiet. I'd like some bustle and people-watching and shopping and eating and wandering. Outside Aus so that it's completely new and interesting. 🤔
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I really want to do some solo travel.
I've never travelled alone! Where should I go?
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Miss 9 and I ❤️love love love ❤️ The Grandest Bookshop in the World, and CAN'T WAIT for The Bookseller's Apprentice!
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Look what just arrived from @affirmpress: my first copy of #TheBooksellersApprentice and the new hardcover of #TheGrandestBookshopintheWorld!
Apprentice hits the shelves on the 27th of September. Order it via your local bookshop or here: authorameliamellor.com/the-bookseller
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The only thing I want in life now is an assistance kangaroo 🦘
(Not an assistance koala: too clingy 🐨)
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Wait, what? Where do I sign up for an assistance kangaroo? (At Sydney airport)
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We know the one ministry Scott Morrison wont have secretly given himself is the Arts, seeing he always failed to remember it existed.
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Tried on a jumpsuit yesterday.
Miss 13: "You look like a janitor who's just got home from night shift and is telling her four kids to have 2-minute noodles for dinner because she's too tired to cook" 😳
(Did not buy the jumpsuit 😂)
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Hi 👋
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This morning, I felt very not ok.
Went for a walk: a bit better.
Wrote for a few hours, and I can breathe again. This is why I do it. When I write, things make sense. They feel beautiful.
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I still read aloud daily with my 9 year-old. My 13 year-old likes to be read to, but it doesn't happen often anymore. (Though, all three of us still love to read a quick picture book together, which is so joyful!)
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At what age do you stop reading aloud to kids? And what do you read to older kids if bedtime reading is still a thing?
Episode 28 of the Your Kid's Next Read Podcast is the bees knees! Link in bio!
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✍️ The true story of a teenager who lost her hearing and found her voice ✍️
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In a single sentence, can you sum up your current WIP or latest book?
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I really want to do some solo travel.
I've never travelled alone! Where should I go?
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A Certain Mother, at the , features 4 mums (incl me).
Amazing to be there last night & see the tears & laughter of a packed cinema, as they reacted to stories from behind the facade of motherhood.
📷 with filmmaker Mihaal Danziger, nominated for Best Emerging Director
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