Asking before doing every little thing can be a mutually nice escalatiry thing though. No hard and fast rules. Or asking about every little thing *after* you’ve already decisively nonverbally moved forward can be nice.
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If someone was into into something but suddenly isn’t, you’ll ideally know instantly or in seconds because they become very still, or stiff, or something feels suddenly strange, or you just know, or you slow to a crawl and wait patiently or ask, or they say...
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Also if you’re in your teens & you’re a little crazy & you fuck it up a bit, I guess we’re in a different world than when I was in my teens. But you’re not a monster (usually) & being a good-faith, eye-contact human can make it safe for them to be angry/annoyed/flattered vs else
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SECRET TRICK: feel for “maybe-subliminal micro-resistance tests.” They might lightly resist or be stiff or still to see if you’re acting sensitively. So—sensitively micro be still, wait, move more slowly... They will soften and feel safe(r) because they are safe bc ur sensitive!
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Also generally if they get annoyed bc you’re being careful then don’t apologize and just like take them bc they know what they want and they’ll feel safe stopping you. But, you know, it’s still a mutual thing you’re doing together.
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oh, *hesitation* can be unattractive if it comes from in-your-head-indecisiveness. good to work thru stuff offline so you felt know what you want under various conditions. then even "hesitation" seems confident because it's about letting something unfold externally vs internally
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"Move slowly and reversibly" really doesn't help dislodge me from my weird obsession with postural freedom as key to noncoercive action.
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I think they can be pretty harmonious?
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Many women can sense this "testing and waiting for her reaction thing," saying something and judging her reaction. Can have the same "ugh" reaction as mentioned in the original tweet.
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collaborative inclination towards mutuality tho mutuality = "the sharing of a feeling, action, or relationship between two or more parties." everything's potential cringe/try-hard/robotic/scriptable/creepy everything's a weaponizable call-out what r people doing/intending+why
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