i vacillate a lot on what my greatest fear is, but right now i feel relatively certain that it's my ass catching on fire from a votive candle at an "intimate" restaurant where the tables are too close together
No no, it's bumping the table with my ass so that someone else's napkin catches on fire and then the table is on fire and I am forced to stand there watching while it all burns down around me instead of worrying about putting my ass out.
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While that is horrifying (and quite possible) to imagine, my real fear is scraping some poor stranger’s dinner right off the table with my behind.
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The answer here is to have all food delivered and eat on your couch in your pajamas.
End of conversation
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