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Top 5 hashtags for military maneuvers that sound dirty: #chokepoint #turtling #pincermaneuver #refusingtheflank #shockandawe
Xarelto, Bond villain or new drug for prevention of venous thromboembolism?
If you're quoting Maya Angelou, please credit her. Otherwise it looks like you're just randomly talking about musk and the dawn.
Sometimes you only need to make eye contact once to know that someone is batshit crazy.
@DaveFarts we are so sorry about your experience please contact Consumer Relations at 1-800-984-0989.
Elderly Dog Can Already Tell Owner Doesn’t Think She’s Worth $3,000 Gallstone Surgery http://onion.com/TU2lht pic.twitter.com/JJ5X9ZSFpZ
No more eating your neighbors dogs during the coming apocalypse. http://www.costco.com/9687-Total-Servings-1-Person-1-Year-Food-Storage.product.100003177.html …
New hashtags I'm trying to start: #clownfart, #breathlesspooper, #classyfringeboots, & #secretasshole
.@RadioShack Sometimes I #grunt a little when I fart and frankly, it sounds like a handsome sex noise.
I admit I have a few comedy "blind spots", namely structure, taste, timing, wording, topic choice and funniness level.
I bet I'm the fattest person in this zip code watching "Frozen" for the fifth time right now.
I thought I was getting a skin tag in my armpit but it turned out to be a nail salon
On this day the Battle of Haarlemmermeer, a naval engagement during the Dutch War of Independence, was fought. #didntneedwikipedia
Updating my wardrobe. Need a pair of #jorts that say, "mostly I'm classy, but sometimes I eat ravioli from a can."
Turns out I've got a lot of Neanderthal DNA.
Is it just me or do dry erase markers smell better every time you deeply inhale them?
#madeupbandname - Meme Font
Help me be a bad bad guy in my movie Director's Cut Make the movie with us - http://MakePennBad.com Also, Penn & Teller in Vegas and http://PennSundaySchool.com
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