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  1. Pinned Tweet
    22 Nov 2017

    My dentist asked how school was and I said “great” because that’s much easier than “oh I actually dropped out because I’ve effectively monetized a twitter account where I numerically objectify dogs”

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  2. Retweeted

    Please don't dance and cuss. It sets a bad example for the babies in our concentration camps.

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  3. 13 hours ago

    i already finished the manuscript for it :)

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  4. 14 hours ago

    i have been absolutely finessed, swindled, i would even go as far as to say bamboozled, by two women in two weeks. please keep me in your thoughts

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  5. Retweeted

    instead of ladies & gentlemen, try one of these gender neutral alternatives: • mothers and fuckers • bitches n assholes • friends and foes • gays and...... [disdainfully] others • ladies, gentlemen, and variations thereupon • associates and arch-enemies • comrades • y'all

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  6. 16 hours ago

    first successful* campaign of the year. the family left for california a few hours ago ❤️

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  7. Retweeted
    18 hours ago

    Rescue dog Lucy recently finished up her tour of hiking every State Park in Texas. Her hiking buddy, Dale Blasingame, said Lucy and their adventures have changed his life. Read how it all started at 📷: 🐾

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  8. 19 hours ago
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  9. Retweeted
    20 hours ago

    January at calendar. Funniest and cutest rating ever 😂❤️

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  10. 20 hours ago

    an actual dog did write it stephen do you see the blue check

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  11. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    just watched bird box

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  12. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    Dearest Twitter dudes, and it's pretty much always dudes, when someone on their own feed RTs or tweets about liking something, your job is NOT to come along and explain why the thing was Bad, Actually, because that makes you a shithead. Don't be a shithead! Let people like stuff.

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  13. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    We barely into 2019 and this already my favorite video of the year

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  14. Retweeted
    Jan 2
    Replying to

    I live with my parents because it's a safe place to work out mental health issues and adjust to the right meds. I got out of bed today! You're right, this does feel good. Thanks!

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  15. Jan 3

    i’ve lived at home for the last 16 months and without my parents support i’d be nothing alright can i mention my accomplishments now karen

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  16. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    we’re taking over instagram story :) check it out

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  17. Jan 2

    ok it’s that time again i need a new show to watch

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  18. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    Last car bar video in the Mazda. Had to snap 🔥

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  19. Jan 2
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  20. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    Snagged the last one at the mall kiosk before they shut down for the season. Bring on the dogs!

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  21. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    We found him, the smartest person on Earth. 🖋 by

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