Matt Haughey

@mathowie

do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive

Oregon, USA
Joined February 2007
Born in 1972

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  1. 1 hour ago

    this is going to end with warning stickers on Beyoncé's Lemonade album, isn't it?

  2. Retweeted
    11 hours ago

    Never has so many white folks labored to have their own health insurance taken away only because it was given to them by a black man.

  3. 4 hours ago
    Replying to

    Example usage: send your kid's preschool a screenshot like this accidentally someday

  4. 4 hours ago

    Hey comedy Twitter, I made this page: you can open in all your other tabs when taking screenshots 😮🐙

  5. 4 hours ago

    This episode is fantastic. goes deep on what drives people to build great products and properly skewers conventional SV wisdom.

  6. 5 hours ago

    Message to foreign governments: White House staff don't always control their official phones!

  7. 12 hours ago

    [exterior Trump Tower, every Saturday as dad leaves to golf in FL or NJ]

  8. Retweeted
    Jun 9

    This Cleveland Teacher Has a Personalized Handshake For Every One of His Students

  9. Jun 9

    I'm in a supermarket and a familiar but awful sounding song is playing. I shazamed it and jfc this cover song is hot garbage

  10. Retweeted
    Jun 9

    “All right, this game is done — send in the headbands”

  11. Jun 9

    you get a technical foul you get a technical foul everyone gets a technical foul — this game

  12. Jun 9

    A British election just broke out at this basketball game

  13. Jun 9

    If the Cavs could shoot a free throw this could be a 100 point half for them

  14. Jun 9
    Replying to

    if you miss a free throw the only thing you get is to try harder to make your next free throw

  15. Jun 9

    When I become supreme ruler of the universe, no one gets high fives or fist bumps after missing a free throw

  16. Jun 9

    any Hemsworth > all other superheroes played by guys named Chris

  17. Jun 9

    Trump would unapologetically lie under oath. His version of the truth IS the only truth. Are our institutions equipped to deal with this?

  18. Jun 9

    Hasan Minhaj's Netflix special really does move the needle on what a standup special can be. Super duper recommend:

  19. Jun 8

    TIL basketball star Draymond Green is an inch shorter than former FBI head James Comey 😮

  20. Jun 8
    Replying to

    His election team had contacts. His post election team had contacts. He will be investigated very soon if not already ongoing.

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