Mark Maira

@MarkMaira

On 3-7pm on Contributing Writer for Universal Comedy Network, , ,

Rochester, NY
facebook.com/themarkmaira
Joined March 2011
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  1. 3 hours ago

    I’m one more sunny day away from Trump supporters yelling at me to leave this country because I’m too dark.

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  2. Retweeted
    7 hours ago

    You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise. -Maya Angelou

    The crowd at Trump’s rally chanting “send her back” after the President viciously and dishonestly attacked Ilhan Omar is one of the most chilling and horrifying things I’ve ever seen in politics.
    16,119 replies 71,288 retweets 296,817 likes
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  3. 10 hours ago

    It's tough being a parent and not knowing if your kids are going to be able to eat that day. We're not poor or anything... I just can't stop eating my kid's meals before they get to them.

    1 like
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  4. 11 hours ago

    I got an idea for a delivery box but instead of sending you fresh food they send you other people's dirty toilet paper. We can still call it Hello Fresh.

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  5. 13 hours ago

    I oldified my oldified pics until I couldn’t anymore. Then I youngified my oldified pic. Scroll through you’ll see.

    1 reply 1 like
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  6. 14 hours ago

    This is a very important event near and dear to my heart and it would mean a lot to me if you would attend.

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  7. 15 hours ago

    Why is it that one of my eyes doesn't open all of the way ever?

    So if I grew a beard I would never be allowed on a plane again right?
    2 replies
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  8. 15 hours ago

    Why the fuck did nobody tell me? I've been calling her Queen Bean this whole fucking time!!

    2 likes
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  9. 21 hours ago

    I’ve been licking random toilet paper rolls in grocery stores. I hope you and your family enjoy.

    1 reply 1 like
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  10. Jul 16

    So if I grew a beard I would never be allowed on a plane again right?

    2 replies 4 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Jul 16

    ROCHESTER NY - JULY 27th at TICKETS: An evening featuring Matt Taven, Mark Maira and more surprise guest... Get your tickets and deal with your regret now!

    , and
    9 retweets 30 likes
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  12. Jul 16

    Ever wonder what a 4th "Look Who's Talking" would be about or a 4th "Matrix"? Find out now on the brand new Gentlemen's Club podcast!

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  13. Jul 16

    “I don’t know... make them look like toasters and they’re looking for their alien counterparts that look like waffles.” - writer coming up with 3 episode arc

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  14. Jul 16

    All local radio personalities are a local tv person’s fart that came to life. All but me... I’m great and I’m a human boy.

    2 likes
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  15. Jul 15

    I think she got him. This tweet will turn this whole thing around.

    Ilhan Omar is an American. She’s a member of Congress. Respect her .
    1 like
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  16. Jul 15

    My mom got her very first "go back to your own country" about a week ago. So good news this whole Trump thing is really working for you MAGA people.

    6 likes
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  17. Jul 15

    I'm like... the first bad guy in a video game... where I'm just there to help you learn the buttons and die and say some shitty dialogue in a thick accent.

    1 reply 4 likes
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  18. Jul 15

    90s kids will remember these best wooden playground features: 1. Tower with bees 2. Splinter post 3. Deliver palette chained to posts like Jacob Marley 4. A couple of tires 5. Prison yard chin up bar 6. Adult stuck in tunnel

    2 replies 1 retweet 20 likes
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  19. Jul 14

    You can tell I’m good by the grammatical errors in the tweet.

    2 likes
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  20. Jul 14

    Hey whatever writers you have left working for you. Fire them. Doxx their families. Burn their homes. I’ll do the work half the price.

    2 replies 3 likes
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