The thing is, I know for a fact that people have explained the implications of PTSD triggering to him both before and after that incident and he’s taken the view of “I don’t have any responsibility; anything I say will offend _someone_”, and refuses to change.
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Dismissing gender issues "because we all just do tech" is not right nor fair. These are things we need to work on. That said... I totally get the "if only we just didn't have to deal with all this crap" feeling.
I respect both those who fight fairly to improve the status quo and fix problems, and those who would prefer not to get involved (as long as they are not part of the problem themselves nor require others to also not get involved). Inaction is a valid (neither + nor -) choice IMO.
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I mean, I disagree re: inaction personally, but that is a personal thing. What isn't is discussing your preference in the context of someone complaining openly about behavior which frustrates them. It reads as "I don't like it when you disturb my peace with your politics"...
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... And that's a silencing tactic if I've ever seen one. There are a lot of other things I want to say, but basically it comes down to "supporting someone who is hurting is good, nitpicking their attitude isn't". I'm guilty of this too, to be fair, but in the end it helps noone
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