I have no idea what that would be about, but I can only reiterate. I know Dave well, and he's a good guy so it pains me to see someone I also like attack him like this publicly.
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You used the words "out of his way" and "deliberate"; that implies intent. Sure, intent does not matter if you look at it from purely the point of view of impact, but it does when you're trying to establish a dialogue about the issue.
This is what I mean by loop gain. These days a lot of discussions seem to start right off the bat with effectively "Look at how evil this person is". People are immediately boxed as the "other side". This is not conducive to productive dialogue. It just brews more disagreement.
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There’s a serious and real problem with this idea, though: When we force people to constrain their tone— to minimize ‘loop gain’— we’re also effectively forcing victims to expend mental energy to massage their arguments into a form that shows no upset. It’s inherently silencing.
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All too often in these discussions there’s a really notable asymmetry between the sheer amount of bad the two sides have to deal with. Folks who suffer PTSD, for example, have to deal with this constantly from all sides. Dave has to endure the occasional harsh criticism.
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Dude I understand where you're coming from but you have to realize how this comes across: someone is hurt/frustrated by something, and the response from all sides is some variant of "don't express displeasure at this, it's counterproductive". That wears you down fast.
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By nature, when someone is upset, their tone is going to come across as expressing displeasure. If everyone needs to be dispassionate, the only people who get to talk about things that affect them are the unaffected, and that doesn't work.
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