I just spent 6 hours figuring out how to update buggy, data-eating SAS disk firmware on an HP ProLiant server. This is ridiculous. Get your shit together, @HPE.
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Why so long?
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Because online firmware update does not work on cacheless HP Smart Array controllers and their FW updater refuses to work. I had to disassemble it to learn it supports offline update mode, if the system is in "offline" mode. Then I spent hours guessing how to get into that mode.
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I figured their general firwmare update DVD would do the right thing, but it didn*t even work at all (unspecified error). I tried init=/bin/sh to get a shell, but nope, I could update all firmware *except* the HDDs. Still not in "offline" mode.
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Turns out if you boot the HP Offline Array Configuration Utility, then switch to a terminal and ^C, you can get a shell. Then you can configure the network, wget the firmware update, run it, and **THAT** works. Somehow puts the controller into the magic offline mode.
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Did you try pouring water on the NICs to be sure?
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No, but I did try updating the NIC firmware while I was in the updater DVD. *That* failed too, halfway through. Turns out you have to rmmod and re-modprobe and re-up the interfaces between boot code and PXE/iSCSI firmware updates, since it jams after the former. I don't even.
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Oh yeah and I had to do all this shit remotely, with 300ms ping time, over their iLO 2 console which loads from virtual media at something like 0.4MB/s (even though said media was hosted on another server directly connected to the iLO).
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If it is any consolation, it's 5pm somewhere in the world

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Yeah, in American Samoa...
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You slept "unexpected cruise / vacation" wrong!
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