Mallory Ortberg

@mallelis

Vera said that?

California
the-toast.net
Joined February 2009
2,473 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

@mallelis is blocked

Are you sure you want to view these Tweets? Viewing Tweets won't unblock @mallelis.

  1. 15 hours ago

    hmm why am I saying these things

    1 retweet 30 likes
  2. 16 hours ago

    definitely a departure from Brian Jacques' usual material

    2 retweets 86 likes
  3. 16 hours ago

    "I'd only ever seen the cover, and the drawing, with the wimple, it kind of looks like a mouse, and I thought it was like Watership Down"

    11 retweets 262 likes
  5. 16 hours ago

    she's 30

    5 retweets 133 likes
  6. 16 hours ago

    this week I learned that my sister thought "The Handmaid's Tale" was about mice until last year

    40 retweets 414 likes
  7. In reply to
    16 hours ago

    I FEEL LIKE YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME

    27 likes
  8. In reply to
    17 hours ago

    your reflexive contrarian streak will keep you from Love

    2 retweets 125 likes
  9. 17 hours ago

    it's not to say such a person is Bad, merely that whenever someone praises a dessert for restrained sweetness I want to bathe in corn syrup

    17 retweets 170 likes
  10. 17 hours ago

    I could never love someone who said 'I love this, it's not too sweet' about a dessert

    68 retweets 322 likes
  11. 17 hours ago

    Mind your own business, cultivate joy in your own heart, leave your neighbor alone

    34 retweets 179 likes
  12. In reply to
    Aug 22

    WAIT TELL ME EVERYTHING

    1 retweet 13 likes
  13. Aug 22

    My dad kept making me go to Buckley's parties and it put me off of writing entirely. I'd have much rather Vidal hated me up close.

    1 retweet 12 likes
  14. Aug 22

    if I'm horribly honest with myself, Gore Vidal would have HATED ME, and I would have been a terrible clinger and hanger-on

    2 retweets 76 likes
  15. Aug 22

    me in 1959: I'm like the Dorothy Parker to Gore Vidal's Benchley Gore Vidal to anyone who will listen: we honestly barely know each other

    5 retweets 114 likes
  16. Aug 22

    me in 1959, to Gore Vidal, who is trying desperately to get out of our conversation: more like MEN-hur (again)

    14 retweets 148 likes
  17. Aug 22

    me in 1926: more like MEN-hur

    9 retweets 134 likes
  18. Aug 22

    remember that dog letter

    97 likes
  19. Aug 21

    my fave part of "the godfather" is when his mustache turns into a tree

    2,644 retweets 6,986 likes
  20. Aug 22

    this is like a rejected pitch for a Jenna Maroney B-story on an ep of 30 Rock

    2 retweets 160 likes
  21. In reply to
    Aug 22

    no this person is literally just mad that their neighbor got an "extra dog" that has refused to die on schedule

    1 retweet 149 likes

@mallelis hasn't tweeted yet.

Loading seems to be taking a while.

Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

    You may also like

    ·