Kim Kardashian has 67.7 million followers and would probably make a better RBI governor than you.
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RBI Twitter account reaches one million followers today. A new milestone. Congratulations to all my colleagues in RBI.
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Madhu Menon
@madmanweb
Photographer. Chef. Former UX guy. Freedom-loving rationalist. Often sarcastic.
Tweets on food, UX, governance, technology, TV.
Madhu Menon’s Tweets
If you're trying to lose weight, the most important thing you should do is stop ordering food from outside. As a former chef and restaurant owner, and also someone trying to lose weight, let me tell you why.
A short 🧵
Thank goodness we have stopped the spread of the vile BBC documentary against our beloved PM.
If you search torrent sites for "India Modi", you get absolutely no results, so don't even bother trying. And tell your friends not to try this either. Torrenting is wrong.
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An engineering student in Bangalore complains on Reddit that his college placement Cell is demanding 2.1% of CTC and holding his certificates hostage.
The institute is named in the thread.
Any journos want to investigate?
So courageous. Newspaper apologising for the client supplying the wrong image for an ad. Ramnath Goenka would've been proud.
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A wrong image was inadvertently included in the cover collage of the advertorial on Uttar Pradesh produced by the marketing department of the newspaper. The error is deeply regretted and the image has been removed in all digital editions of the paper.
Sad to see so many Republic reporters leaving now. They were deceived into joining the channel based on Arnab's previous news show being calm, reasoned debate.
Maybe it's time to build a giant crematorium for all the people dying of Covid.
We could name it the Narendra Modi Crematorium for his government's contribution.
What is the procedure to get PM to inaugurate my Powerpoint presentation?
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Damn, white people, the only thing left to add to this abomination is some garam masala.
Indian media right now: "Why are you asking us to bend when we are willingly and happily crawling?"
I got called a right winger who celebrates censorship! This is the funniest thing I've read this year.
You've failed your most important fitness challenge - being fit to be Prime Minister.
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Challenge accepted, Virat! I will be sharing my own #FitnessChallenge video soon. @imVkohli #HumFitTohIndiaFit twitter.com/imVkohli/statu
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All your tweets should appear in Comic Sans font, you crybaby.
"URBAN NAXALS" IS NOT A REAL THING!
It's just a term made up by a Sanghi to sell his book.
In his world, anyone who questions the government is evil and an "Urban Naxal".
Don't give it any legitimacy.
Repeat after me: "Urban Naxals" is a bullshit term.
It takes balls to say your user data is safe when your Sr Vice President and founder's brother is caught on camera admitting to handing over data to the PMO. Slow clap for PayTM.
It's actually cheaper to visit Thailand than some of our major cities. Mid-range hotels in the 2500-3000 range, dirt cheap street food (dishes in INR 90-150 range), and even AC food courts are just a little more.
You don't need to be "rich" to visit a lot of SE Asia.
Influencer deletes viral reel highlighting Bournvita's sugar content after ‘legal notice’ from Cadbury
Don't feed your kids Bournvita.
HUGE step forward for the state of Maharashtra. It will lead to much economic progress. Congratulations, sir.
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Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport is now Chhatrapati Shivaji ‘Maharaj’ International Airport. Congratulations to the people of Maharashtra,the long pending demand is now fulfilled.I thank PM @narendramodi ji for the concern towards the sentiments of the ppl of Maharashtra
I was in a prominent, posh & expensive restaurant in Mangalore waiting for a friend. In an adjacent table, there were 6 women dressed in micro minis. There was a scribbling board in the restaurant. I went and wrote "Fortunately, nobody here is proud to be followed by Modi ji."
I love how Bangalore police traffic advisories for tomorrow's giant clusterfuck blithely say "use alternative roads" as if there actually ARE alternative roads.
"We should catch up soon" is one of the biggest white lies of adult life.
The Internet and mobile phones have taken over our lives. But it comes with increasing security concerns. Website data breaches, phishing attacks, and other online scams are commonplace. Here's a thread for regular people on how to increase your security online.
#StaySafeOnline
See how easy it is to fake screenshots, Paresh Rawal?
Literally took 60 seconds.
My mother is going to be upset about Arnab leaving. Times Now was the only channel she could watch without her hearing aid.
CAG reports Indian Army only has 10 days of ammunition.
We have no independent Defence Minister.
- "Let's talk about Bofors!"
Indians paid over Rs. 87 crore for Schengen visas they were refused
People needing more GMail space past 15 GB, you've let a lot of crud accumulate over the years.
For starters, maybe delete large attachments from your sent folder?
In the search box, type in "in: sent has:attachment larger:10M" (without quotes).
Keep only essential mails.
Maybe if auto drivers in Bangalore didn't sneer at people when they hear a location they don't want to drive to or immediately quote 2-3x meter fare when they deign to stop for someone, they would get more business.
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A Bengaluru auto driver in tears after collecting just Rs 40/- from 8 am to 1 pm. This is the result of free bus rides given by the new Cong govt in #Karnataka .
Pushing people into poverty!!
#freebies
1:00
What is even the point of selling treadmills with a max weight of 65 kg?
Bitch, if I were 65 kg, I wouldn't need a damn treadmill.
Stone-pelting is happening in Kashmir? How can that be? Didn't that go away after demonetisation as per the right wing's own accounts?
If the Covid numbers fudged by the government are this bad, imagine how bad the situation actually is.
Going into surgery tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. First time and all.
(Please don't ask, "what happened?") No energy wonly.
Only veg food on Air India.
Next, flight attendants to speak only Hindi.
After that, stand for national anthem before flight take-off. #BMKJ
Only in India:
Govt's IT cell generates fake news, photoshopped images, and propaganda. Spreads it via channels like Whatsapp.
Then govt orders *Whatsapp* to immediately stop spread of "irresponsible" & "explosive" messages.
#BMKJ
Dear Indians, please don't offer unsolicited opinions about somebody's weight or fitness level. It's damn rude.
Yearly reminder: "You've put on weight, no?" is not an appropriate greeting.
Was asked to open my suitcase at Madrid train station because my chef knife showed up on scanner. They wanted some paper proof that I was a chef. 🙄
I did a Google search for "chef Madhu Menon" and showed them results. Worked.
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That's as asinine as saying all Americans are insane because Trump is insane. @YoLarryJohnson
BJP has been in power at the Centre for 14 of the last 25 years but all problems in the country are still the fault of Nehru who died 59 years ago.
How to design a survey when you don't want people to disagree with you. Leave out a "disagree" option. #BMKJ
Our Supreme Court now exists just as a rubber stamp for the Central government.
When people ask why the caste system is still a problem in India, show them this tweet. That a newspaper editor can be completely oblivious to propagating caste stereotypes shows you how ingrained it is.
PS: Nobody is born a "Brahmin" or anything else. You're only born human.
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3) Restaurants have no incentive to make lower calorie food. They want to make food taste good. Fat and sugar make things taste good. Imagine how much butter and other fats are used in restaurant food. Multiply that by 3 and you're closer to the real number.
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People are posting links and alternative sources to the BBC Modi documentary in the replies.
Patriotic citizens should avoid visiting these sites. Send links to your friends and family and tell them to avoid these too.
Trust our government to tell us what is appropriate.
#AnandMahindraTweets should be a category of its own like #SadhguruQuotes
We need to archive these brilliant nuggets of wisdom. I am going to throw out my fridge and dump all the food in a Surahi tomorrow.
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Frankly, the Surahi is also superior from the point of view of design & aesthetics. In a world increasingly preoccupied with being planet-positive, the humble Surahi could become a premium lifestyle accessory. 
(credit: @EducatedMoron)
(credit: @EducatedMoron)
Shopkeepers can no longer ask for mobile numbers before generating bill, new govt advisory says
OK, thanks for the advisory. But what happens if they continue to do so?
Just got the most braindead marketing call ever from Ferns n Petals.
Said last year at this time I placed an order with the message "get well soon" and would I like to place the order again?
Jesus, people don't have sickness anniversaries!
"Some people entered my house through the back door and windows. But don't worry, the front door is safely locked."
Absolutely.
Banks have no way of recording ATM withdrawals so CBI needs to investigate.
People withdrawing money from their accounts should be charged under Section 420 of the Emperor Modi Act.
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@INCIndia spreading stories of #CashCrunch and #CashlessATMs , and media is gladly amplifying. @RBI @FinMinIndia and CBI shd scan CCTV footage to identify who are emptying ATMs & hoarding cash to create an artificial crisis.
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1) Diet is the key to 90% of weight loss. As the saying goes, "you can't out-train a bad diet."
2) No matter what meal plan you're following, the ultimate mechanism is weight loss via calorie restriction, whether that is counting calories, intermittent fasting, whatever.
You still have to pay it all back, genius! It's not free. And you're forced to buy 30% from Japanese companies.
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I digress to add that there are some optimistic people I've watched tell the waiter in a restaurant to "use less oil". Even if the waiter relays the info, the kitchen will likely do fuck all about it.
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She: "Your English is very good."
Me: "Thank you, so is yours."
How to shut up white people who don't know how racist that sounds.
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Now, it's entirely possible New Horizon College of Engineering does NOT charge 2.1% of CTC for college placements and this person is just lying, but it would help clear their name if some journalists asked a few questions.
I would think someone as educated as you would show more discretion than to post horrific accident photos. Please delete your tweet and show some consideration for this poor man.
If India was racist, why would we live with South India, which has black people? - BJP's Tarun Vijay (at 7:42)
Absolutely. Writing rubbish is his domain.
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Sushant's last film releases this week. I want to tell the snob and elitist critics right now, write sensibly. Don't act oversmart. Don't write rubbish. Be fair and sensible. Don't try your dirty tricks. You have ruined enough lives. Now stop. We'll be watching.
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Even a simple salad that looks like it's got a ton of veggies may have a simple vinaigrette dressing that's 3:1 oil to vinegar. 3 tbsp of oil is 360 calories. That's half of all the calories that your typical lunch or dinner should have.
And who typically orders just a salad?
It is spelt "Kerala", not "Karela". We are not from Gourd's Own Country.
BJP can't even hire decent graphic designers to photoshop out the phantom hand in this totally staged photo-op. 😂😂😂
If you have to ask this question, your education has failed you.
Schengen visa for Spain from India has legendary bureaucracy .
VFS wanted scanned photocopies of EVERY page of my passport. Not just the pages with previous visas and stamps. Every page, even the blank ones.
They also wanted it for my previous expired passport.
(1/2)
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Just got the Schengen visa!
However, there's a message stamped on it and I'm unable to understand why.
Has anyone seen this before?
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Another college supposedly charges a fee based on number of offers.
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Unfortunately, not everyone is picking up on it. :(
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HAHAHA! Doesn't look like I'll be allowed in, no?
Path-breaking journalism from Times of India:
For all you Mallus who buy meat from Licious, remember that this man who calls you a "joke" is an investor.
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These folks in kerala are always behind the times, vote the communists to power, what a joke! @RajivMessage twitter.com/rajivmessage/s
Michael Phelps: 'I am extremely thankful that I did not take my life' cnn.it/2DpV0kZ
Michael Phelps shared the story of his personal encounter with depression.
Adanis Lose Defamation Case against The Wire, Senior Journalist Paranjoy Guha Thakurta caravandaily.com/portal/adanis- via Daily
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If you're ordering roasted/sautéed veggies, they have been roasted in oil/butter.
If you're ordering a curry, it's probably swimming in fat that's been emulsified into the sauce. 4-5 tbsp min oil to sauté plus extra cream sometimes or nut pastes.
And that's before the carbs.
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You're the most corrupt President in US history.
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I'm not American, but Reddit tells me that if you change your address to something in California, magical cancel buttons appear online because California has a law against this kind of behaviour.
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Western propaganda has led some to believe that there is something called "The Streisand Effect". There is even a Wikipedia page for it. Same Wikipedia also says "The BBC is a statutory corporation, independent from direct government intervention."
Don't fall for this rubbish!
Well done, Zee News. You've hired a real superstar. Yeah, those damn dalits should go clean toilets. You tell 'em, Jagrati.
Today, I want to tell you how to give access to your GMail/Google account to someone else in the unfortunate event that something happens to you.
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There is NO FUCKING TRACKER on the Rs. 2000 note! Please stop spreading this nonsense. rbidocs.rbi.org.in/rdocs/PressRel
RT away to glory.
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How do you keep fucking things up even more? It's amazing. It's like you have an anti-design team working there.
I feel so glad that India has a Supreme Court that zealously guards rights and freedoms and holds the government to account like it should.
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As with fat, sugar too finds its way everywhere, Even your favourite sandwich chain boasting about eating fresh has mayo which is just emulsified fat but also has sugar (notice the sweet taste?), "honey mustard", sweet onion, and numerous sauces with loads of sugar.
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If you're ordering dessert, boom, you get the double whammy of high fat as well as high sugar. Do I need to point out that a gulab jamun is a fried maida/khoya dough ball that is then dunked in syrup?
But hey, at least nobody thinks desserts are low-calorie so I'll let that go.
Times Cow called an Australian and asked him about the British govt's actions. Typical.😂
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Times Now called a ‘gora’ thinking he’ll side with them but listen to what happened here 
4:12
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sar-chasm
(n.) the giant gulf between the sarcastic comment and the person who doesn't get it.
The night light robbery: How the LED bulb industry is ensuring customers keep coming back
I recall my CFL bulbs used to last 8-10 years. My LED ones are lucky to last 1-2 years.
Anyone else feel that way about the life of LED bulbs?
10% of zero is still zero. twitter.com/ashokepandit/s
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