macrocephalopod

9. Delta -- very terrible and boring first-order sensitivity. Hedged by everyone except retail. May be driving the stock market now????? (unclear)

8. Theta -- seems sexy and interesting at first, really just the opposite to gamma upon closer inspection. Has potential to blow up sellers (only reason it is ranked above delta)

7. Color -- honestly only included because I wanted a ten item list. Can tell you when to expect your carefully gamma hedged portfolio to become unhedged, but only if you assume the stock price never moves (very bad assumption) so essentially useless.

6. Vega -- only interesting first-order sensitivity. Responsible for most of your mark-to-market PnL, quite neat (unless you are a retail degenerate who never holds anything beyond weeklies)

5. Speed -- very mysterious and exotic third-order sensitivity, understood by few. Tells you how quickly your careful gamma hedge is going to disappear when the stock moves. Also helpful for explaining PnL when the stock jumps, 8/10 for usefulness

4. Gamma -- very cool and important second-order sensitivity. Essential for PnL explain, also tells you how quickly your delta hedge will break down, watched by many as an indicator of whether dealers will suppress or exacerbate realized vol. Would calculate again.

3. Charm -- sexy, mysterious older brother of color. Mostly quiet and brooding until shortly before expiry when he runs out of the bedroom wearing sequins and performs a raunchy dance number, very exciting to watch

2. Volga -- Often maligned but very cool second-order sensitivity, major reason for vol surface smile. Responsible for many nice profits from buying wings. Also named after a Russian river???