alyssa

@lyssness

here

Joined January 2020
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  1. 11 Feb 2020

    I literally just got my car insurance from $325 to $136 by spending 8 minutes on the phone with Austin from 😂

    2 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    25 Jan 2020

    My ex told me every single day how much they loved me and couldn’t wait to marry me, then one day they just woke up and decided I wasn’t what they wanted anymore and got up and left. How does that not fuck with your head and not give you trust issues?

    74 replies 7,433 retweets 32,299 likes
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  3. 23 Jan 2020

    I hate hugs but I freakin need one 😂😂

    1 like
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  4. 22 Jan 2020

    I just decided I was going to get up a little earlier tomorrow so I set my alarm for 5:27. Feeling pretty good about it. Really going to make a difference from the usual 5:30

    1 like
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  5. 22 Jan 2020

    Maybe like a quick text if it’s 2 am tho like what kind of psychos are just calling people at 2 am 😂😂

    forget nudes and sex call me at 2 am just to tell me you love me
    Undo
  6. 22 Jan 2020

    🖤

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  7. 22 Jan 2020

    My 4 year old is mad I don’t know the words to Despacito so brb gotta go learn Spanish 🥺😂

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  8. Retweeted
    15 Dec 2019

    "How bad is your eye sight” Me:

    175 replies 21,245 retweets 48,713 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    21 Jan 2020

    my brain has too many tabs open

    67 retweets 101 likes
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  10. 21 Jan 2020

    Every white person THINKS their family is wild 😂😂

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  11. 21 Jan 2020

    My daughter just called her Papa to tell him he isn’t a real boy because he doesn’t like blue he likes red.. which is like pink... I would have NEVER had the balls😂😂😂

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  12. 21 Jan 2020

    When the first 2 seconds of Watcha say by Jason Derulo plays in your headphones with both in at full blast

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  13. 20 Jan 2020

    I get like actually offended when people post before and after of their houses & either: 1. You can’t tell a difference 2. The before looks way better 🤣

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  14. 19 Jan 2020

    “Mom.. you hold my balls?” - my two year old as he slowly reaches into his diaper to pull out DOG FOOD 🙃

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  15. 19 Jan 2020

    !!!!

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  16. 19 Jan 2020

    So manic that I just spent 5 minutes contemplating whether or not I should follow 😂

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