The speakership now goes to penalty kicks
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Lizzie O'Leary
@lizzieohreally
new yorkJoined June 2009
Lizzie O'Leary’s posts
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I’d take a small intro class in person, with an experienced teacher. Not a video. You want someone who can look at your body and movement and help you understand the poses. I’m always wowed by a good teacher’s eye.
If I agree to buy il makiage and the bobbi brown miracle balm, can I get an ad free internet?
Shoutout to the woman on my train who had the name Kevin tattooed on her arm, and then a newer, big red VOID tattooed on top.
A friend who worked with billionaires once described them as toddlers with planes. Well.
Replying to
the best thing I have read about all of this is a post from a pediatrician mom who said "balance screentime with The Other Option." If the other option is screaming chaos (or annoying the shit out of everyone on a plane), then screentime wins.
A toddler in the "why?" stage is the most aggressive investigative journalist on the planet.
Truly mindboggling to take the brand most associated with prestige TV and replace it with one that recalls red shoe diaries on your friend's mom's cable.
Inspired by , I really only want to see Are You There God, it’s Me, Margaret, in a movie theater offering the full perimenopause special. Comfy seats, chocolate, a lil personal fan (or blanket!).
How in the world is this doxxing? It’s publicly available information.
After three long years, I am back in my rightful place: regulating tf out of the quiet car.
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I’m a weak monarch in a dangerous interregnum
no such thing as a good layoff, but letting someone on maternity leave go is particularly brutal.
Thank YOU for remarkable work, endless curiosity, and arguably the most memorable sign off in NPR history. ♥️
It's honestly unfair that toddlers get all the good clothes. Where are my dinosaur hoodies? My jackets with ears?
One thing no one tells you about having a toddler is how many little rocks will be in your house.
No no that was genuinely hilarious
Got lost in his own museum, you say?
ENT: We need to stop this cycle of colds so your ear can fully heal. Who keeps giving you viruses?
Me: I have a two year old.
ENT: Ah, nevermind.
The Retrievals made me weep, made me furious, and made me relive my own experiences, and made me write this:
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Ah yes, body count. The praying mantis approach.
your 40s are the same as your 30s except that every part of your body hurts all the time and if you eat one (1) cookie you immediately gain five pounds
Flaco you idiot
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Flaco the Eurasian Eagle-Owl tonight seconds before trying to grab the caged lab rat set out by zoo staff, briefly getting tangled in the loops of the trap, and then flying off before he could be netted on the Heckscher Fields of Central Park.
Imo there are three kinds of congressional hearings.
1. Public verbal stoning.
The TikTok hearing today is one of these. Lots of angry statements and rending of garments. Everyone adheres to a script. No minds are changed.
I have a couple of questions for the animal cracker company. Namely, have you seen any animals?
I appreciate this clarification that the objects aren’t *actually* Volkswagens.
Billion dollar idea: espresso cart that goes from playground to playground.
No one has ever been as angry as a toddler whose banana is wrong.
Happy 420. May you stay away from pondering the nature of existence at the emergency vet.
I’d like to have a stern conversation with the version of me who thought my toddler and I were going to do art projects with a bag of 100 fuzzy pompoms.
My toddler, seeing football players for the first time: “what them robots doing?”
Hi! Do you like to wake each day feeling like you’ve been shot out of a cannon?
Have 2-3 existential battles before 8am, one of which you will lose?
May I recommend SMALL CHILDREN.
My Back Hurts, I Can't Do Uppy Right Now: a memoir of middle aged parenting.
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Having a toddler in my mid forties has confused the hell out the various algorithms.
Perimenopause potty training!
Bone density gentle parenting!
you know you have a small child when you immediately fall asleep in an MRI and are grateful for the rest
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Whoops can’t read, was never taught and died in childbirth at 14.
Love to take my fearsome pit bull out for a walk, only to confront her terrifying mortal enemy: rain.
You truly can't convince me that the difference between, say, 10 million a year and 25 million is better CEO performance. I have seen zero evidence.
Shoutout to my dad, who, on his 85th birthday, said none of us can call him until he's done talking to his client today.
Nothing in my pre-parenting life prepared me for negotiating with a two year old who wants a second bedtime snack and insists it needs to be …. grass.
What to expect when you get a blue check you weren't expecting. With special guest stars , , and .
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3. Markups/committee business
Rarely covered. Stuff actually happens. Work gets done, mostly by staffers.
About to really disappoint my child, who thinks he is coming with me to a boat.
This is just beyond awful. These poor kids. Their wonderful smiling faces.
I’m on day 6 of solo parenting a 3 year old while we both have covid and what I didn’t need is Dinosaur Train teaching him the word nocturnal.
Please explain to me why you, surgeon in a large hospital with an existing electronic health records system, need me to fill out forms and then email or fax them to you. And upload an MRI which *already exists on your hospital's system.*
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This is so wonderful! Calls for a celebratory cricket release!
The New York horror of getting dripped on by a random air conditioner on the sidewalk
Why am I still watching returns when there is a 98% chance my child will wake up before 6?
Replying to
2. Investigation.
This is your old school Carl Levin kind of hearing. Damning documents are produced. There are actual revelations.
Today on the show, the GOAT, on the cancer drug shortage. And why it’s a feature of the market, not a bug.
A high person’s worst nightmare
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Jared Leto showed up to the Met Gala in a giant costume resembling Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld's cat. nyti.ms/44isb2q
read image description
ALT
Every time I think I’ve got a handle on my toddler’s rock collection, I find another cache of pebbles hidden somewhere.
Slate dot com is here with all your Wikipedia citation needs
Once again I asking for a doctor setup like a human baggage scan, where they run you through and check out everything at once.
Do you have a small child? Do you like bananas? Allow me to introduce you to an absolutely genius product.
just an incredible day for this move
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Show moreEvery single one of my IG ads is like: are you a WOMAN OVER 40?! Do you have HIDEOUS APRON BELLY? Do you want OZEMPIC DELIVERED UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS??
Two year old at bedtime:
Are dinosaurs real?
Are there monsters in Brooklyn?
Can an owl get into our house?
Do mooses live in Ottawa?
Just saw a teen reel in shame when he realized he and I are wearing matching Jordans
Ahhh I day when I have filed already, can spend some time reading and doing research, maybe exercise a little.
school: hi your child threw up.
No one ever gets that it’s not about parties
The conversation I really wanted to have about AI, with
Just saw Steve Madden slides in the wild and no. I’m not going back there and you can’t make me.
This was dumb and sets terrible precedent. News organizations should back their reporters.
Our society has multiple AI chatbots and planes that can fly themselves, yet somehow the apostrophe in my name completely derails a computer.
This was just exceptional. Rigorous, empathetic and graceful. Thank you.
we don't talk about The Other Two enough. It's absolutely deranged and I love it.
Parenthood really reorients your vomit-based priorities.
On you > bedding > upholstery
Also appreciate that my h*ckers bought a "I'm a cool mom" mug on my IG using my credit card but are dipshits and had it sent to my apartment.
Just want to be clear: I never, ever want to see the For You timeline. Thanks.
I love the New York Times so much, but I will not cross the digital picket line today. Solidarity !
why monkeys?
why do monkeys swing?
do baboons walk?
what are monkeys?
having a toddler is like living with a high person.
I'd like to thank Daniel Tiger for the song Stop Stop Stop, It's Okay to Get Angry, It's Not Not Not Okay to Hurt Someone.
A helpful lesson for my child and a way to scare the living daylights out of people who pass me singing it in the grocery store.