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literalbanana's profile
Extraordinary Banana
Extraordinary Banana
Extraordinary Banana
@literalbanana

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Extraordinary Banana

@literalbanana

when the Simulators gave up pretending not to exist they uplifted the bananas first. if you are reading this be aware that words are fake

Joined December 2015

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    1. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Apparently Jack Twitter and his staff were unwittingly teaching people how to quit Twitter! That’s when they started selecting and training the Double Triples.

      2 replies 2 retweets 34 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      First they identified the most attention-hungry culture war bluechecks. E-book merchants, activists, journalists, psychology professors - all were considered, as long as they had at least one undiagnosed personality disorder.

      1 reply 1 retweet 28 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      From the FOLLOWERS of these bluechecks were chosen the Double Triples: accounts with double-digit followers and triple-digit tweets-per-day. Thousands of them began an intensive program of training.

      1 reply 1 retweet 30 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Training was grueling. They learned to infer the culture war meaning of the settings on hotel gym equipment. They learned to infer the culture war meaning of a Brussels sprout. They watched the news on real televisions.

      1 reply 3 retweets 48 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Failure was frequent. A single interesting tweet would put you on probation. And come up with an original idea? You’re out of the Double Triples for good. Still, thousands managed to complete the training successfully.

      1 reply 1 retweet 30 likes
      Show this thread
    6. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Now you’ll never know for sure if you’re banned from Twitter. Instead of notifying you of an infraction, Twitter will secretly replace 10% of your mutuals with undercover Double Triples. Screw up again - 20%. And so on.

      1 reply 2 retweets 33 likes
      Show this thread
    7. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Some say all this has already happened, many times. Some say the world ended in 2012 and we have been living in a computer simulation ever since. It’s impossible to know for sure.

      1 reply 1 retweet 38 likes
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    8. Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      But, just for fun, you might sometimes post a picture of a fire hydrant, or a hamster, or a cool old lady smoking a cigarette and calmly smiling, and see if any of your followers can tell you the exact culture war meaning of these things. END

      5 replies 3 retweets 52 likes
      Show this thread
    9. Alex Godofsky‏ @AlexGodofsky 24 Nov 2019
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      Replying to @literalbanana

      first google result: "What Snapchat and fire hydrants taught me about sexism"

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
    10. St. Rev  ☯️ 🏴 😻‏ @St_Rev 24 Nov 2019
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      Replying to @AlexGodofsky @literalbanana

      OH MY GOD I ASSUMED THIS WAS A JOKE

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      Extraordinary Banana‏ @literalbanana 24 Nov 2019
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      Replying to @St_Rev @AlexGodofsky

      artpic.twitter.com/07vqhjGCvZ

      9:33 AM - 24 Nov 2019
      • 5 Likes
      • Justo Karell Sam Burnstein St. Rev ☯️🏴😻 MOURNING CROW PUNISHER Derek Alex Godofsky
      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
        1. St. Rev  ☯️ 🏴 😻‏ @St_Rev 24 Nov 2019
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          Replying to @literalbanana @AlexGodofsky

          buddy,

          0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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