Ordinary Banana

whenever i feel anxious i almost don't want to feel better cos it just means i haven't dealt with the thing that made me anxious, it's still there somewhere

even though how i perceive things is what is making me anxious

i feel like ive been cheated

if i wanted to, i could do breathing exercises or just plain old regular exercises, i could learn about psychology or some shit. change how my brain works to appreciate what is in front of me. but then what? where would the motive force my life be?

i am afraid that if i am ever satisfied with my life, i won't want to do anything or change anything and it'll sort of be like dying