If you got me, I got you.
Pinned Tweet
Follow
Matt Allard
@lifeserial
Fiction writer.
Matt Allard’s Tweets
On my hands and knees saying “it’s okay, you just need to rest” to a bird that flew into the window.
1
9
At the end of my guided morning meditation she said she hoped my day would be “drenched with joy.” Drenched!
1
4
After 18 years in Los Angeles it was time to try out life someplace new, so we’ve moved to the desert and home is Palm Springs.
4
41
Painting an old bookshelf and this primer smells rotten, like maybe it’s gone bad. Sucks. I usually like to lick the brushes clean when I’m done.
3
A trip to the ER, a hospital stay, kidney surgery, another hospital stay, a smashed TV, another visit to the doctor, my birthday on the 23rd, hosting family at the new house, Thanksgiving, a visit to the emergency vet for Ninja—the last 30 days have been…eventful. 🤍
4
20
!
Quote Tweet
Just thought you’d like to know that Ben and I have made a new Everything But The Girl album. It’ll be out next spring 
@ben_watt
@ebtg
@ben_watt
@ebtgShow this thread
1
5
Ninja turned 13 on Friday, so we got out her pearls and I took some pictures to commemorate the milestone. 🤍
2
2
36
Carving a slit in the top of a frozen pot pie makes me feel like I’m cooking.
9
Grave misstep for the coffeeshop this morning: lighting a pumpkin spice candle.
1
2
The Guncle eBook is on sale for $1.99! Do you own a print copy and want to have one to take on the go? Did you recommend the book to a friend? Now’s the time! Less than two bucks. At this price, even I bought a copy. 🤣💙 Sale thru 10/14
3
14
53
The Islamic Republic of Iran killed this teenager because she was against compulsory hijab.
Her name was #SarinaEsmaeilzadeh, a 16-year-old girl who was killed on Sep 23 in Karaj as a result of baton blows from the security forces.
#MahsaAmini #سارینا_اسماعیل_زاده
537
7,159
14K
RUSH ME INTO THE GRAVE, CBS!
1
3
Saw an infographic about how to stop a goose attack and kept scrolling, but then I quickly scrolled back because I felt like ~now~ I would be attacked by a goose and regret not stopping to learn what the hell I should do.
1
11
If only Diana had lived. She’d be attending today with Pete Davidson.
82
3,802
60.4K
Wish I could walk around in public with my phone angled a few inches in front of my face, talking to someone on speaker so loudly that everyone I encounter might feel like they’ve become an unwitting participant in the conversation. To be so brave, unavoidable, obnoxious! I wish.
9
Can’t believe they’re holding the Emmys when the queen just died however many days ago.
7
Opened a book from my shelf and a receipt fluttered out from when I bought it: 2004 at the Borders on Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica.
1
1
20
Reading THE HISTORY OF LIVING FOREVER by . Check it out if you’re looking for something new.
1
5
I couldn't help but notice today is Wednesday and of course that got me thinking: Whatcha gon' do with all that ass, all that ass up in them jeans?
8
I heard if your neck breaks while looking down at your phone, your body will still keep scrolling.
1
2
11
When Wordle tells me a letter is correct but in the wrong place, my brain immediately starts thinking of more words where that letter is in the exact same spot.
1
1
25
People are often like, don't kill the spiders, leave the spiders alone, they're good for helping with other insects and blah blah blah blah—I don't care. I'M good for more than walking face-first into their bullshit every time I step outdoors. Enough! Bring me my flamethrower.
10
I wrote for five hours today and enjoyed it. Unreal late summer behavior, had to make a note of it.
8
When you follow a leader, consider what would lead you to withdraw your support.
If the answer is nothing, your integrity is in jeopardy. Your highest loyalty belongs to principles, not people.
No leader deserves unconditional love. Commitment is earned through character.
175
3,860
11.9K