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levity's profile
Lawrus
Lawrus
Lawrus
@levity

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Lawrus

@levity

wondering about everything • coding & cat-herding at @makerdao • existence precedes essence—or does it? ☯

Santa Cruz
Joined March 2007

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    1. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      Marshall B Rosenberg, author of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), also wrote a short book called The Surprising Purpose of Anger. His model is that anger is triggered by other people, but not caused by it. It's a protective response to needs underneath that.

      1 reply 1 retweet 10 likes
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    2. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      Ex: if your friend is late AGAIN, you might feel angry and feel the anger is caused by your friend being late. But Rosenberg would say that the late friend is the trigger. Underneath that anger is something else: a need to be respected or a fear that they aren't valued.

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    3. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      I've found this way of examining anger useful in my own life. If I'm angry at someone, I look for other feelings and needs beneath that. Over all the examples I've looked at, there is always been something deeper under the loud feeling of anger.

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    4. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      So the theory is that alienation from needs and wants leads to anger. I think it also leads to the drive for money, productivity, sex, and status.

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    5. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      Here, I'm using 'need' to mean a want that doesn't require justification to anyone.

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    6. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      When I feel a drive to seek money, underneath that is a need for security and safety. This is important to understand! Because money doesn't actually give me security and safety. Getting security and safety does.

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    7. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      When I feel like I need more status, I have a fear that I won't safe protected otherwise. There's a need to be supported and respected.

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    8. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      Further than that, maybe most goals are from alienated needs. A goal of being a better communicator might come from a fear that they'd be unappreciated otherwise. A goal of changing the world might come out of a feeling of personal worthlessness.

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    9. Marie‏ @mesolude 14 Aug 2019
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      This isn't to say the goals, the money, the anger, the status and whatnot are bad. But without addressing the underlying needs, we might be missing out on the things we want.

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      Lawrus‏ @levity 14 Aug 2019
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      Replying to @mesolude

      I find Maslow’s pyramid a helpful model for this. We have a chance of finding fulfillment at a given tier only after we have taken care of the tiers below it.

      5:06 PM - 14 Aug 2019
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