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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    3. sij

    simba: my uncle murdered my dad pumbaa: sheesh lol simba: then he blamed me for it timon: yikes. have u tried just not fucken worrying about it lmao

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  2. prije 2 sata

    oh also, donate to help wildlife rescue in australia

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  3. prije 4 sata

    sry for getting sad on the tl

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  4. prije 6 sati

    god: [creates australia] angel: u gave them literally all of the scary animals god: yes but they will love them angel: how god: [creating steve irwin] trust me

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  5. 1. velj

    someone once asked “what if we locked people who hate each other in a room and only fed them guitars, pianos, and cocaine” and fleetwood mac was like first of all fuck yes

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. pro 2019.

    manager: panic at the disco dropped a new album fall out boy: [worried] h-how long were the song titles manager: how much time do u have fall out boy: FUCK

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    11. lis 2019.

    greek architect: u know what would make this building fucken slap assistant: architect: assistant: are u gonna say p- architect: [nods] pillars. like, a hundred fucken pillars

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    a guy i kinda knew in high school works in my office. we each know the other person is there but we avoid each other. for three years we have done this and i cannot stress enough how well it was going. today he said “hey, ur randy right?”

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    jim: i will now flirt with pam pam: omg jim stop lol angela: yuck dwight: i agree and also i am weird michael: what if i made this worse toby: dont do that michael: shut the fuck up toby jesus fucken christ

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  10. 31. sij

    i lose the game a lot

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  11. 31. sij

    a fun game my girlfriend plays is saying she’ll eat literally anything for dinner and then i have to guess the one extremely specific thing she had in mind when she used the words “literally anything”

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  12. 31. sij

    i don’t know how many diet cokes u need to drink to lose weight but so far it isn’t thirteen

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  13. 30. sij

    her: i feel like you dont listen to me me: [scrolling instagram] not bad, you? [next day] instagram ad: bro she doesn’t feel like ur attentive to her emotional needs and honestly she has a point

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  14. 30. sij

    people in paper towel commercials are the clumsiest mfs on the planet yet all of them decide to make everything in their house white. know ur fucken lane idiots

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  15. 30. sij

    friend: we’re worried ur on drugs salvador dali: why i’m not at all friend: ur paintings dont make sense dali: how does this fat elephant with tall skinny legs not make sense friend: what dali: can i borrow ten dollars

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  16. 29. sij

    a guy i kinda knew in high school works in my office. we each know the other person is there but we avoid each other. for three years we have done this and i cannot stress enough how well it was going. today he said “hey, ur randy right?”

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  17. 29. sij

    oh and uh, follow me if u want. i write jokes a lot, some of them are about harry potter. most are not

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  18. 28. sij

    how many fucken times do i have to beg u guys to stop liking these

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  19. 28. sij

    every day i like this website less and less

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  20. 28. sij

    snape: how will we protect the stone dumbledore: obstacles that only a powerful wizard could beat snape: so like hypothetically 3 twelve year olds couldnt beat them dumbledore: snape: dumbledore: i mean i hope not

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  21. 28. sij

    hey, office stans. u may not know this but ur allowed to enjoy something and still make fun of it

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