I know who the leaker is. Hear me out. (Thread)
#Satire
Conversation
Replying to
But first, a disclaimer:
I have no inside information. This thread is speculation. I'm f*cking talking out of my ass without regard for who I hurt in the process. If someone is injured or dies because of my wild speculation, that will just feed my narcissism.
#Satire
4
14
289
Also, all this is based almost entirely on publicly available information. I could easily be wrong because I'm an idiot.
Cool? Yeah, I think I'm cool.
#Satire
1
6
195
I start by noting today is #MayThe4thBeWithYou day. This is a big deal for Star Trek fans. And the leak occurred on May 2nd. 2 squared is 4. I think you see where I'm going here.
#Satire
4
10
215
But, see, the problem here is that R2D2 is not human. Did I mention I'm a huge misogynist so the answer has to be a pro-life woman I can throw under the bus? I'm male. I'm an idiot.
#Satire
1
128
Now, as I think about it, do we know someone who has STOLEN classified documents before? Someone with a history of rejecting the "rule of law?"
#Satire
3
8
158
I have no proof of any of this. I just really like Zillow. And film noir. So really, it was easy or me to piece this together like the total hack I am.
#Satire
1
3
114
She was a member of the Senate. She knew powerful people who knew other powerful people. And, as I've observed from other unhinged accusations, the basis of accusing someone is to show how everyone in DC knows everyone else.
#Satire
1
1
117
She is pro-abortion. She is unapologetic about women's bodies. She has no shame. Just look at what she wears when she's around Justice Alito.
#Satire
7
12
197
She's exactly the kind of person who would be all Hoth and bothered by the draft opinion.
#Satire
3
2
107
I don't know that Princess Leia leaked the draft opinion.
But I certainly think someone who has spent much of their academic and professional life fighting to expand the rights of others could be desperate enough to do so.
FIN
#Satire
10
4
164
In light of the fact there appear to be multiple leak sources, I must briefly update this thread. As you know, I already asserted multiple leakers.
#satire
1
3
Also, using the guilt by association technique adopted by some of the legal profession's finest, it is pretty easy to find the third leaker.
#Satire
2
3
