One tuna can lid, chew folded somehow into quarters One bite of vanilla candle, rejected down the hall Leg of lamb, w bone 1Lb Lindor dark chocolate truffles 4 subway sandwiches inc sack Box of Cocoa Puffs Bucket of Popeyes bones, side of red beans and rice Tray of brownies
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3 dead blue crabs, chucked off a patio because, dead. Shells included. Sack of crawfish remains, paper sack included A sock 2 bras One remote control One bottle of contact lens solution 2 contact cases, w contacts One key lime pie Half a bag of coffee
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Untold number of tampons A yard worth of cicadas during a swarm (required hairball medicine to pass) One half ounce of pot And finally, one entire bottle of olive oil, including plastic. But not the lid.
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Harper was a goddamn beast who could open any door and open drawers to make stairs to get up on counters and open dog gates and Houdini from crates and I loved him. Don’t fucking try to panic me about dumb shit dogs eat.pic.twitter.com/w9BWfXQK0h
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And he knew I couldn’t afford to take him to the vet. I could barely afford his food. If he ate it, that was on him. (99% of this shit was because when you’re poor, you have to have roommates to survive and they’re fucking idiots)
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My old dog Cokes ate: A BBQ scraper A brick Four steaks A pan of rice crispie treats Maxine Hong Kingston’s The Woman Warrior
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When I was a kid we had a (mostly) Irish Wolfhound. He got caught sneaking chocolates out of a box once. Took us a while to catch on-even w/that massive shaggy head, he was delicately taking 1 at a time, leaving the paper.
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Brett once ate the internet (I had the cable running along the baseboards, and she chewed it up)pic.twitter.com/WErAVqwgAN
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Had a dog with a broken tail and no feeling in the lower half of it. She accidentally let it dangle into a puppy's crate. So my dog Scout, when she was a puppy, ate several inches of a live dog's tail.
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This beautiful angel, love of my life, once ate a tube of zinc-based diaper rash cream & then puked it up on my duvet and my antique rug. Took multiple cans of seltzer water & several hours of hand washing to get it out of the rug.pic.twitter.com/fN07EmgDk9
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And this sweet boy, first dog of my heart, ate six full size candy bars in a single day; a box of Ho-Hos; a gallon bag of oatmeal cookies; half a summer sausage; & a small bird. But the only thing that ever fucked him up was the time he ate my ASTHMA INHALER.pic.twitter.com/JHLQyyM51v
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