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I can't believe "we don't need a donkey at our wedding" is something I actually just had to say
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Happy Pride, L.A. You deserve all the gay things!
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*in meeting* Boss: Let's get down to business Me: *whispers* to defeat the Huns Boss: What? Me: I said I am on course to meet my goals
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My team at
@aceable is hiring two paid Content Interns. Make $$. Room for growth. Work with ME. hmu.https://jobs.lever.co/aceable/1e3cb73c-cdd3-4f9c-8544-398aad266e53?lever-via=3bCrSkn11w …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo -
Me: Hmm this person very clearly doesn't care about our friendship or my life. No wedding invite. Also me: But what if they get mad at me
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So far my relationship has had all Monica/Chandler vibes and no Ross/Rachel vibes and that's how I know we can make marriage work
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Friendly reminder that Bad Moms didn't get the credit it deserved and that Christina Applegate is a national treasure.
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Whoops I made this tweet into a shirt because I wanted wear it.https://society6.com/product/this-is-hanson-now504483_tank-top#s6-7127224p28a21v159a22v170a45v341 …
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Imagine passing by a new pizza place and not stopping
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The funniest people I've ever met live in ATX:
@itsgravy_baby@bidibidibummer@njschurk@CameronMRhoads@IfYouSeeDesiree@jesszaleskThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo -
Krista Doyle Retweeted
So petty my camera roll is all screenshots
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My mom found this next to her mailbox. My little sister tried to mail me a package. "Too Ostin, texis".

pic.twitter.com/qu1IfxUYxN
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Finally, someone recognizes how dumb my words are. Thanks,
@BuzzFeed
https://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/dumb-tweets-thatll-make-you-laugh-in-spite-of-yourself?utm_term=.mqDaV9Vmv#.om0rp2pO6 …Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo -
Krista Doyle Retweeted
Remixed Whitney Houston's 'How Will I Know' with Rihanna's 'Kiss It Better'. Goes to show how timeless both of these songs are!
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Me: Krista stop talking about your engagement. People hate you now. *later* Waiter: Do you want fri-- Me: So we want a small ceremony and
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Wedding hashtag alternatives:
#ItsKristaStealYoGurl#IDoThinkImReadyForThisKelly Am I allowed to have three wedding hashtags?Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo -
Krista Doyle Retweeted
pop music is magic, girls are magic
#OneLoveManchesterThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo -
My 6-year-old sister broke her fidget spinner and wrote the mailman about it. "Could y'all mail me a fidget spinner?"
pic.twitter.com/rdQOwp2YX0
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Dinner parties are 20% my fiancé making all the food and 80% me driving back to the store to pick up things we forgot
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