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kmanguward's profile
Katherine Mangu-Ward
Katherine Mangu-Ward
Katherine Mangu-Ward
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@kmanguward

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Katherine Mangu-WardVerified account

@kmanguward

Editor in chief @reason

Washington, DC
reason.com
Joined February 2009

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    Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

    Here's a conspiracy theory I just invented: I don't think narwhals existed before 2004. Every child I know has sophisticated opinions about narwhals. Meanwhile, an informal poll of GenXers reveals that none of us have any recollection of EVER hearing about narwhals as kids.pic.twitter.com/HXeayqE3VA

    6:00 PM - 4 Sep 2020
    • 1,521 Retweets
    • 12,899 Likes
    • 💪🏾 🇺🇸 (202) 224-3121⚖️⏳ (((Sarah))) Boy #3 Ali Ashraf ton618 DadRock2020 I did DO Kathy Sean Lyndersay
    1,634 replies 1,521 retweets 12,899 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        The fact that GenXers would have somehow just missed narwhals beggars belief. The main obsessions of GenX girls were (a) dolphins and (b) unicorns. Don't you think if DOLPHIN UNICORNS existed, someone would have mentioned them to us? Unless narwhals didn't exist before 2004.pic.twitter.com/M2tYwnW82P

        50 replies 155 retweets 2,281 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        Nowadays, you can't escape narwhals. My household contains at least 7 objects with narwhals on them. No one in the family feels particularly strongly about narwhals (until me, now, I guess). Narwhal swag just shows up when kids are nearby in the 2010s and 2020s.

        6 replies 22 retweets 768 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        This Wikipedia entry reads like a legendary backstory whipped up in 2004 by Terry Pratchett and @neilhimself when they were absolutely blotto. Ghost Douglas Adams may have been involved. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narwhal pic.twitter.com/gEucS6JHet

        14 replies 40 retweets 641 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        The Museum of Natural History in D.C. has this weird little side room dedicated to narwhals. It's not part of the main exhibit. They just stuck those dudes in a refurbished broom closet after the fact. Why? Probably because they didn't exist before 2004. https://naturalhistory.si.edu/exhibits/narwhal-revealing-arctic-legend …

        10 replies 31 retweets 754 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        Listen, it's possible I have the exact date wrong. It could have been as early as 1999 or as late as 2009. But somebody retconned narwhals into our timeline in the early/mid 2000s. I don't know how. I don't know why.

        37 replies 66 retweets 971 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        As with all conspiracy theories, you are welcome to try to refute mine, but all evidence to the contrary will only be jujitsued into confirmation of the theory. (For more on this phenomenon, read @notjessewalker—and wish him a happy birthday today!) https://reason.com/2020/07/12/from-antifa-to-ufos-one-joke-can-spawn-a-thousand-conspiracies/ …

        10 replies 46 retweets 686 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Katherine Mangu-Ward‏Verified account @kmanguward 4 Sep 2020

        In conclusion, narwhals didn't exist before 2004, and you can't convince me otherwise. Thank you for coming to my @TEDTalks

        169 replies 54 retweets 1,352 likes
        Show this thread
      9. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Maggie McNeill‏ @Maggie_McNeill 4 Sep 2020
        Replying to @kmanguward

        That's because y'all didn't read "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", which mentions them several times in the first few chapters.

        2 replies 1 retweet 62 likes
      3. BG‏ @BGilroy 4 Sep 2020
        Replying to @Maggie_McNeill @kmanguward

        Thank you! I kept scrolling and scrolling looking for this comment. This whole theory is a plot to undermine the legacy of Captain Nemo

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      4. Show replies
      1. New conversation
      2. SouthMetroAFC‏ @SouthMetroAFC 4 Sep 2020
        Replying to @kmanguward

        pic.twitter.com/irupKAlesp

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Christi Domingue-Rangel‏ @christidomrang 6 Sep 2020
        Replying to @SouthMetroAFC @kmanguward

        Watching Elf was the first time I ever heard of this creature. And thought it was completely made up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation

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